A Mechanical Australian

2005-11-28T22:18:00.000+11:00

I have no doubt that you've all given up. Don't call me, I'll call you.

http://ledriver.blogspot.com

I've actually taken time off blogging these past few months just to think of that name.

<-- This photo is proof of that.

"Damn... I need something catchy, yet expressive. Eye-catching, yet subtle."

There were several options canvassed.

Some, in retrospect, were misguided.

"White lotus flower or cherry tree?"

There were set-backs.

Then, I thought I had struck gold!

But this was not generally well received.

So I gave up. I've only learnt on thing throughout all this: that for a person to be considered thinking, they must be touching their chin with some part of their body (usually a hand, but you'd be surprised).

Come on over.

Closing Down

2005-09-07T17:19:00.000+10:00

... and leaving three heart-broken guitarists behind.

Thanks for reading A Mechanical Australian, especially to those who've been keeping tabs on this blog for a while. I have less and less time lately to read other blogs and to post on my own, so, I'm closing down. I'll pretend that you're worried. Then I'll tell you don't be. After exams are finished I'll start again, probably under a new address, knowing me, housed in a new design, and with a lot more spare time, dedication, and stories to tell.

xxx

No More Weird Questions

2005-08-27T08:42:00.000+10:00

Another question, though a bit more mundane than the last: is the header of this page showing up? It isn't for me.

Thanks for your answers concerning, um, Russian Roulette. Next week I'll ask a question about Pipe Bombs or something, just to keep things fresh.

Tomorrow is the last Uni open day I'll be going to - LaTrobe. It's my second preference after Journalism at RMIT in the city. Essentially I have to get above 87 or I'll end up doing Arts or something, and hoping I can transfer over. That isn't all bad, I guess a year studying politics would do me no harm, but another year at Uni means another 10,000 bucks to be leeched from me over time. And then, of course, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to transfer into Journalism.

This Uni stuff is tricky business, and it's giving me a headache.

Research

2005-08-20T08:42:00.000+10:00

I have a question (well, two), it's to do with me trying to write a story. Do most people know what Russian Roulette is? Are there any films/books where a game of such is played?

Me At University

2005-08-17T17:25:00.000+10:00

A Nightmare Vision of The Future
or
How Things Will Be When I Go To Uni*

Le Driver: "Ah, look at all my free time, admire my well manicured eyebrows! I am posting something quite excellent on my blog. Federal politics, of course."

Le Driver: "Shut-up guys. I'm thinking about my successful blog and savouring this Chai tea as I do so."

Le Driver: "Fine, Proffesor, if you can't teach print journalism then I will! Here are the average number of words in a Herald Sun article. Count them while I blog."

Le Driver: "Sell all the stock, you bastard! Sell, sell, sell! I don't have time for this. I have a blog to maintain."

Le Driver: "You're hilarious. Let's go out, get tanked, update our slightly Buffy-esque clothing, and then blog about it!"

Professor to Le Driver: "Now, I've gotta say, we weren't going to pass you, seeing as you completed none of the set coursework. But, hell, we loved your blog! Congrats, Le Driver, you've graduated with honors!"

What my writing will do to Michael Moore in 10 years.**

* I like to think so.
** Prevent him from aging at all.

One Thing That You Must Know

2005-08-13T08:30:00.000+10:00

What did you learn today?

An 'Emo' is...

You will have seen these types around the place. Now you have a name for them.

And here is the last section of my story. After this bit, I stopped. It's a shame I couldn't show you any of that because the plot of the story is that the main character goes into a coma - which, it turns out, is a city like and unlike her own. That's the interesting part.

Anyway, I've got to think of a better story to write this year. I'm not very good with ideas.

5

Rowena’s feet were covered in blisters. She was hung-over, and hadn’t slept, and figured she must look pretty awful. In one hand she carried those strictly ornamental shoes and in the other her purse: she was hoping to flag down a taxi and be home before her husband got back from that business trip to Hong Kong and realized she’d spent the night in a luxurious hotel with his lawyer. There weren’t any taxis around, and her mobile was flat. Rowena realized she’d need to find a public phone, though the prospect of wandering around the city at three in the morning wasn’t particularly attractive. There was a train station a few blocks down, she remembered that, and there would definitely be a phone in the area.

When Rowena first saw Viv she assumed that the young woman was homeless and had decided to sleep here. It wasn’t until she spotted the stagnant lightning-bolt of blood running down the inside of Viv’s arm, and the needle in her lap, that she realized the girl had taken heroin. Her nerves began to fire, and it felt as if someone had grabbed the back of her stomach and turned it inside out like a doggy-bag. She’s taken heroin but she’s just sleeping. Rowena crouched down to look at Viv’s slouching body, hair was covering most of her face and she couldn’t be sure if she was breathing or not. “Hey, are you all right? Are you OK?’” There was no response. Rowena hesitated a moment and shook the young girl’s shoulder, but her muscles were lax and her head merely tilted more to one side. Maybe she’s dead. The thought that she might have stumbled upon someone freshly overdosed on heroin turned her stomach further and made her feel like she might throw up. She put two shaking fingers to the top of Viv’s neck and felt for a pulse, and waited and tried to calm the pounding of her own heart so as to hear better and finally detected a weak throb against her fingers and when she held her fingers under the girl’s nose felt the faint flow of air and realized she was still alive. She took her hand away and tried to think what you were supposed to do next. People who’ve overdosed can die by choking on their own vomit, she remembered. You were supposed to put them on their side in a certain way so that if they did vomit it would go out and not in. Rowena picked up the butt end of the needle and cast it aside and became really worried about contracting AIDS somewhere in this whole ordeal but overcame those thoughts and moved the rest of Viv’s things aside and laid her on her side and wondered how you were supposed to keep her from always flopping onto her back again. There was nobody else around and she would have loved some help, someone who knew all about this kind of thing and would share the responsibility, but it was just her and this person who may very-well be about to die.

Rowena managed to keep her on her side by making the leg that was directly on the ground crooked so it acted as a support. She stepped back and everything was as right as she could get it and rushed to the pay-phone, not to call a taxi but to call an ambulance.

Le Bands

2005-08-11T18:04:00.000+10:00

Tonight I'll be doing a lot of dead-boring philosophy homework, but tomorrow I'm off to 'Battle of the Bands' at the Preston Town Hall to watch Em's band 'The Indifferent' compete. You are invited (if you are young and hip).

3

Viv shut her eyes for a moment and opened them. She was able to see more easily in the gloom, and bent down against the wall. Something smelt disgusting, and a wave of nausea came and went. She ran a shaking hand through stringy blonde hair and grabbed the protruding edges of the brick with her fingers, laboriously dragging it out and onto the ground with a thud. She gathered up her stash and shoved it in her coat pocket and wiped the sweat from her cheeks and wanted to slide the brick back into place but didn’t have the strength or coherency of thought to do so.

The bus had broken down about half-way. It was shuddering at all the stops and eventually it gave out and the bus driver assured everyone that there would be a replacement along in a few minutes but it took about twenty and by that time she knew she should have jumped off because that tugging and niggling feeling was getting really bad and making her shake and sweat but she’d been through worse and she wasn’t going to give in, she was going to the river.

There was a perfect place there that was just hers, for Viv’s use only, because she was the only one who used it and maybe the only one who knew about it. It was high up and secluded with a view of the water covered in light like an oil-spill and all the crowded buildings mourned the loss of it. It was the hotel that made it perfect; tall and bathed in golden light all over, every window was always lit up from within, as if there were some perpetual celebration taking place at all hours of the day and night. It was the place of the rich and famous, and she’d picked up brochures with pictures of the rooms that looked too good and too expensive to be true. It was a monument to the good life, the best life, and the focal point of all her dreams. She imagined herself dressed in finery, with make-up and jewels and white arms sitting sprawled along a sun-bathing chair with a glass of the most expensive wine looking out over the city lights and being twenty-stories up in the heavens instead of down there. She was there alone as a movie-star or the wife of a man in a sharp suit, it didn’t matter. She was there.

In reality, Viv was moving past a train-station and her teeth were jittering and the heroin in her pocket was getting heavier and more substantial and she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She knew her luck was gone when she stopped putting forward internal reasons not to hit up now and began to think of reasons why she should. There will always be other times. There will always be more. There’s nobody around. You can’t last long enough. It’s not worth it to wait. Then she was sitting against yellow tiles and setting up and the stuff was in, in, in, and then the light went out.

Writers In The Ranks

2005-08-06T18:15:00.000+10:00

The Unkown Interests of John Howard

He has written books on:

Southern Gays!

Mountain Biking!

Carryin' On In The Lesbian And Gay South!

The Unkown Interests Of Tony Abbott!

Kringle!

Danger Guys!

Zombie Surf Commandos From Mars!

Cosmic Boy Vs. Mezmo Head!

The Unknown Interests of Peter Costello!

He has written books on:

The Real World of Sherlock Holmes!

The Most Influential Irish People of Our Time!

The Life of Leopold Bloom!

Do these past-times have anything to do with the...

Unkown Interests of George W. Bush?

Reading!

Hot Coffee

2005-08-05T16:58:00.000+10:00

.. just tried a Vanilla Laté from a sample packet we got in the mail. Basically just tasted like a sweet drink. I'm happy with a decaf capuccino. Decaf because I'm 'sensitive to caffeine', which means rather than being pepped up by coffee I just freak out.

In the absense of any real blog post here is another section of that story...

2

She had a few dollars left over and decided to pass up dinner for a trip into the city.

The lights in the Night-Rider were blue and surreal and Viv wondered why it was so important that people didn’t hit up on buses that they would make the interior gloomy like that, so that everyone was tinted blue like a corpse. People seemed scared of her kind of thing; they’d rather travel around in a big glowing pill than see a spoon or a needle. Those things were familiar to her, they were no big deal.

The ticket machine had read 12:17. Her cravings were niggling and tugging at her and she was thinking a lot about this new Asian stuff; her body was clearly wondering why she had heroin resting in her pocket but not in her system and growing increasingly frenzied about it, but the money had been hard to come by and the stuff looked promising and she wasn’t going to waste it in some stinking alley-way.

The city was her favorite place. In the suburbs, if you were grimy and unkempt people stared and it was the worst thing in the world. Viv was born in the suburbs, and she would go around thinking she was just another one of them until they looked at her like that and the spell was broken. In the city, if you looked homeless, people would not stare at you: they’d go at great lengths to look the other way, or skirt around, or cross to the other side of the street. This had been most evident when she’d tried begging a few times; there’s nothing more reviled by city people than a homeless person asking for money. If they justified this hatred by reasoning that they would only be contributing to an alcohol or drug problem they were partially right – but if they had any idea what withdrawal felt like, they’d empty their pockets.

When begging, the ability city people have to put on the blinkers is your first and biggest obstacle. Most of the time Viv wasn’t begging, and in those instances, she didn’t mind it at all. She felt like a passive observer of something intricate and beautiful that worked like clockwork. In the day, the city was crawling with people. At night, when the people have gone home or have drawn themselves up in buildings, the lights come out and reign over everything. Sometimes, in the limbo between midnight and morning, it seemed as if she was the only one left in that whole vast expanse: it was hers for the taking. Folded against the window in the back of a Night-Rider bus, she was headed towards that place.

In General

2005-08-03T18:08:00.000+10:00

I always find it disappointing to load up a blog that I read regularly to find the same post staring at me each time. I check back once every day. Once every few days. Once every week. Then I forget for a while. I feel that you must be at that stage with this blog. So, if you're reading this now, I'm glad you decided to check back.

I have to get an ENTER of approximately 94 to do the course I want to do. I'm not sure how well I have to perform to get this, so I've been feeling bad every time I don't get an A+. I've been getting quite a lot of A's lately. I'm not unhappy because I feel like I should get A+'s all time time - god, A's are good marks. I just want to do that damn course, and I don't know what kind of class results get you a 94 ENTER. A+'s all the time, or what? Let's hope there's room for a few A's.

So, essentially I'm freaking out about school. I've been finding distractions to prevent me from doing homework, and most relevant to you, from blogging. I've decided I'm not going to do that Corporate Social Responsibility essay. There's not enough time. I guess I could just do some honest work to earn that $2000... Fat chance.

There's a novella writing competition that comes up in November I can enter. The prize is $3000 bucks (see how much I like the idea of winning money?). Last year I was thinking about entering. I got a few thousand words in. Here is the first section:

1

She could see Rob and some other guy she’d never met hanging around the stairwell. He was sprawled across a few steps smoking something and the other guy was leaning against the wall and yapping at a joke Rob had said, but she didn’t remember Rob as being funny. He was dead serious.

Guys like that made her nervous. She never had any idea what kind of stuff they’d been up to that morning, or the night before, or who’d they’d done deals with. She shoved her hands deeper into her trouser pockets and picked up the pace, and the smears and stains of graffiti on the walls began to pass at a slow blur until she approached the stair-well and came to a halt.

Rob turned towards her and pulled at his messy cigarette. “You lost?”

“I hope not, mate. I’ve bought from you before, don’t know if you remember.”

Rob shook his head and put the cigarette back to his lips so it hung there. “Doesn’t really matter if I remember you. What are you after?”

“One.”

He started picking around the inside of his puffy jacket and cigarette ash toppled down his front. “Thirty-dollars a cap. This is new stuff from Asia.”

Rob produced a little zip-lock bag and pulled himself up off the stairs. His friend followed him over.

“What’s your name?” said Rob.

“Viv.”

“Right, ‘Viv’, a cap will be thirty bucks.” He said the name as if he thought it was a joke.

“Can you tell me anything else about it? I’ve been using that twenty-five dollar stuff…”

“It’s not too strong.” Rob held the bag up to the sun-light. The heroin was a pinky-brown. “Just right for you, Viv. It’s good stuff, trust me.”

Viv shelled out thirty-dollars and placed the bag in the pocket that had been warm with money. “Ten ‘til eleven at night, still?”

“Yeah, same deal. Sunday is my day off. Go out and get more smack to sell.”

Rob’s company thought this was hilarious. His face screwed up and he laughed like a seal.

Viv shoved her hands back in her pockets and ran her fingers over the plastic. “Yeah, well, if this is good as you say it is, I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Seeya tomorrow then.” Rob pulled in on his cigarette and turned back to the stairwell. His friend followed, and Viv walked back out past all the graffiti and grime and into the startling night.

I'll post another bit next time, unless I get insulted by several hundred people. I need an idea for what to write this year. Please comment with ideas so I can plagiarise you.

Also, Pat in my english class got hit by a truck on friday night and died on saturday. I didn't know him well but I still felt sad about it and a bit numb when I heard. Not many people knew who he was, and had to have him pointed out in the year 12 group photo, which is on the wall in the foyer. There will be lots of fingerprints around his face now.

Corporate Social Responsibility

2005-07-24T08:13:00.000+10:00

Corporate Social Responsibility

My Lit teacher gave me the entry form for an essay writing competition on the above topic. The prize is $2000 dollars for the winner, and $3000 for the winner's school. It sounded like a good idea to enter at first... then there were three reasons why it began to sound not so good.

1) Entries close on the 9th of August. The competition has been open for six months already.

2) The competition is organised by the Australian Business Council (or something) in partnership with the Prime Minister. Can you smell the economic rationalism?

3) 'How can we encourage corporations to be socially responsible whilst recognising that the aim of business is to make profit?'

I believe the reason why so many corporations are not socially responsible is because they are built only to make profit. Nike can sponsor a basketball tournament for poor kids because this is relatively costless and also has advertising benifits, but will they ever pay their shoe-makers a fair wage?

Corporations have proven that their efforts at social responsibility are relatively cheap and extensively brand-stamped: Ronald McDonald House, for example. I could write an essay extolling the need for more community involvement and contribution by businesses, and that would probably go down well - it's small target, not too radical, not too critical, and anyone can write bullshit in an essay, but what I really believe is that the sole aim of every business and every corporation - to make a profit - will prevent any meaningful social responsibility from occuring. Will Starbucks ever stop underselling independent coffee stores? Will fast food chains ever pay their workers well? Will foreign factory workers ever be paid enough to live on? They won't, because the socially (and globally) responsible thing to do is going to take a chunk out of their profits.

I think, knowing the focus of the competition, writing what I really believe would only be an excercise in futility.

Some Days Later...

2005-07-20T16:53:00.000+10:00

...She returned from other people's blogs, and needed a drink.

No, that's a lie. For reasons unknown I'm unable to access a working computer from Sunday to Tuesday. Do you know what this means? I have to find other ways to entertain myself, like going to Le Nova to see Sin City yesterday. You'll either love it or hate it. It's like a violent, noir-style comic book stuck up on the screen. There are lots of semi-naked women and bad-boys seeking revenge. For this reason, I'd reccomend it - unless you have an aversion to any of the aforementioned things.

During my hiatus, a strange thing happened. I was linked to by La Galarzas, a blog that is either Portuguese or Spanish. Apparently A Mechanical Australian translates to Australomecânicopiteco! I'm thinking maybe I should change the address of my blog to http://www.australomecanicopetico.blogspot.com - catchy, isn't it?

I've linked back to them, because, you know, it's the polite thing to do. If anyone can work out what La Galarzas is actually is they should let me know. I think they might be a band. Then again, they might not be.

If you also have a 60gig iPod, we should start a club. It cost $598 dollars, which is 6 weeks of work for me, so it BETTER NOT DIE. If I lose it, you'll never see me again.

Back From The Dead

2005-07-17T11:23:00.000+10:00

Back From The Dead

End Hiatus. I don't really have an excuse for my absence. I wasn't doing any exams, I don't do maths or science, but I'll save all the good advice for the end of the year when I have six of them. I took a break because I was busy, uninspired, and sick of the way my blog looked. So, as you can see, I fixed (or made worse, depending on your tastes) one of those problems this morning. What do you think?

Now, to all that blog reading and commenting I've missed out on...

hiutus

2005-06-15T08:12:00.000+10:00

I'll be back in two or three weeks.

Hiatus. You know the deal.

Look after yourselves...

And each other.

bb

2005-06-08T19:35:00.000+10:00

I watch Big Brother. Is this still not cool?

memes

2005-06-02T16:56:00.000+10:00

This is a bad meme-ory.

Memes. You know I love them. You know I love you. I've been passed two!

Watch as I try to mix two memes together, and finish with some hard political commentary. It'll make me feel better about blogging when I should be doing short answer questions on 'Political Parties and Pressure Groups'. Der.

Song playing right now: Headphones - Bjork.

Total number of books I've owned: Excuse me, let me refer to the relevant documentation. Last count occured on the 26th, which was a full inventory, but I was unable to aggregate the requisite disenfrabulation from the past 17 years of living. So I'll say that at the moment there are about 65 books on my book shelf. And yes, I got up and counted. Such is my dedication to this meme.

Five Songs That I Listen To A Lot [subject to change every day]:

1) Sil Lum Tao - Detroit Escalator Company. Because it's melancholy downtempo.
2) Solar Plexus - Solar Plexus. Because they named the song after themselves.
3) Cygmund... Vismund Cygnus - The Mars Volta. Because it's long and has the best of everything.
4) Cores - Da Lata. Brazilian singer with percussion and a string quartet. I'm into that shit.
5) Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead. I have no problem with repitition. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

The Last Book I Bought: Does Rolling Stone Magazine count? I guess not. I think it was the 10th book in Robert Jordan's 'Wheel of Time' series. I've read the first one, I didn't like it much, and have no intention of reading the other 8, but if you find a book like that, you buy it. If it costs 50c, that is.

The Last Book I Read: Nowhere in the previous statement does it say 'from start to finish'. I read about 3/4 of Simone Du Bovouir's 'Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter', because it was recommended to me by the feminist librarian. It was really self-indulgent and nobody died.

5 Books That Mean A Lot To Me:

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, J.R.R. Tolkien - which is really three books, but whatevs. Because it made me want to be a writer. Hopefully not a writer of dodgy fantasy.

High Society, Ben Elton - I don't find Ben Elton very funny. But I do find him a bloody excellent writer, and like him best when he's being dead serious.

Wild Swans, Jung Chang - In my 'Chinese Communist Revolution' reading phase, I read a lot of books about women growing up in Communist China. And this is not only the best book on that subject, but one of my favourite books in general.

Carrie, Stephen King - Alongside the 'Chinese Communist Revolution' reading phase was the 'Anything By Stephen King' phase. Carrie, I think, is my favourite Stephen King book, though I ate up 'On Writing', it's not really fiction.

Magician, Raymond E. Fiest - This came somewhere in the top 20 of Australia's favourite books. I like the fantasy genre, but don't actually like many books in the genre. Does that make sense? It's fantastic when it's done well. Magician is a perfect example of that.

That's the official end of both memes. But I'd also like to add a new, extra special entry:

MOST HATED BOOK I PAID MONEY FOR
The Lady of the Sorrows - Cecilia Dart-Thornton. Handsome king falls in love with main character when she is a facially deformed mute. Main character receives medieval magical corrective surgery and becomes a hott babe. 90% of content in this 'original' fantasy world stolen from Celtic & Scottish folklore - directly. There was also a massive gaping hole in the plot.

But there are lots of bad books like this. It's special, because it was the first book I didn't read from start to finish. Since then, rarely do I finish a book. It's cursed. Cursed. Can we all send hatemail Cecilia Dart-Thornton now?

Thanks to Rob Corr and Jelly for taking pity on my lack of meme.

Political Commentary, as Promised!

Funny how someone who sends bacteria from the anthrax family to the Indonesian embassy is not labelled a terrorist, when what he or she is doing is a terrorist act.

Terrorism is not always linked to Islamic fundamentalism, but the media, and many among us, can't seem to see things any other way.

luck to spare

2005-06-01T16:44:00.000+10:00

Anyone have some luck to spare?

I left my handbag in the park. Can you see where this is heading?

Take 1 happy Le Driver.
Subtract 1 iPod. $400.
Subtract 1 Mobile Phone. $295.
Subtract 1 Wallet. Bank Card + Concession Card. About 5$ cash.
Subtract 1 pair headphones. $37.
Subtract 1 handbag. $34.

= 1 Sad (and poor) Le Driver.

The home phone has been broken since friday. Everyone is sick. A woman fell down and had to call an ambulance outside work today. Is it megalomanic to think I'm shrouded in an aura of bad luck, that affects me, and those around me? I like to imagine the aura is a wreath of dark mist. Do you?

And yes, the security cameras are as much (possibly more so) for the employees as they are for actual security. A work mate asked the boss jokingly if she'd watched us yet, and the deadpan reply was: "I haven't had time yet." Today, a girl at work stood beneath an overhang and asked "Do you think the cameras can see me here?". Another girl asked me: "Will they be able to watch us eat?". You probably can't understand how eerie it was without seeing the fearful, wide-eyed looked on their faces.

I think security cameras should be used to protect, not supervise. It's all a little too Panopticon for me...

meme stealing

2005-05-25T16:43:00.000+10:00

It's always sad when you see a meme floating around blogs that you want to do but nobody passes it to you. Then you consider stealing it. But it wouldn't be good etiquette. You know what I mean?

I'll stop using 'you' instead of 'I'.

I have 27.9 Gigs of music on my computer. This is equal to 6630 songs. Last CDs I bought were Mezmerize by System of a Down, and Out of Exile by Audioslave. They join 499 other albums. I feel like calling Jordan and telling him I hate him. He made me like trance - people make fun of me for that. This is a like a pirate DVD you buy from Bali, except a meme. Not from bali. Not bought. Otherwise the same.

At the moment I'm listening to Heaven's Dead by Audioslave. Bloody good rock ballad that one. Anticipating the release of X & Y, Coldplay's new album on June 6. I think you are too.

Shoes - $180
Handbag - $34
Headphones - $37
Album - $20
Album $20

Total spent = $291 since Saturday. Damn, I only make about $90-100 a week. I should be saving for something important.

Got to work today to find that security cameras had been installed. I can't help but feel the boss is going to watch us. Maybe it will be like that book, 'Sliver' I think it's called, by some author, where this guy gets enthralled watching people on camera. Big Brother might be a better analogy.

I mean, if the ABC has a reality TV show about Shearers, surely sales assistants at a bakery would be equally interesting.

no-doz

2005-05-21T08:19:00.000+10:00

I've caught the same bus at the same time every weekday for the past few years. There have been dozens of different drivers over that time. I never noticed anything untoward about them until, for the last two days, the driver has been manically happy and enthusiastic!

Every person who validates their MetCard gets a 'Thankyou!' - which, at stops where quite a few people are getting on, leads to 'Thankyou... Thankyou... Thankyou... Thankyou...'. Every passenger that gets off the bus is farewelled with 'Have a lovely afternoon!'. Everything he says is so forceful and upbeat that it deserves an exclamation mark. He laughs, and sings along to the radio. Once I heard him say 'I enjoy driving anywhere!' to a passenger.

So what, you say, you had a nice bus driver. What worried me is how disturbed I was by this, and some things don't match up. He jerked to a stop at a green-light yesterday, throwing us all into the seat in front of us, then kept the bus stopped there for some time while he rubbed his eyes and stretched. I also heard him say "5 hours to go! I've been in the seat for 8 already..." Thirteen hour workdays! We begin to see the reason for the ragged edge to his enthusiasm, only emphasised when you compare him to other bus-drivers.

This also shows that for it to be such a shock to find a cheery bus-driver, that there is a bit of a problem with customer service in that particular bus company. Still, give me one of those surly bus-drivers any day, if they're at least going to drive safely.

I can't work out why he's like this.

No-Doz?

naomi klein rocks my socks

2005-05-18T09:20:00.000+10:00

Driving around yesterday, we sped past The Age's front page outside a milkbar. It read 'Legalise Torture: Academics'. I sat in the car trying to work out what the article would contain, and thought I could hazard a guess as to the general contention: legalise the torture of terrorists, terror suspects, and terrorist collaborators.

This isn't a new argument, and has been boiling under the surface since the fall of the Twin Towers, when terrorists became the new bogeymen of the 21st Century. I grabbed a copy of The Age to find that the article was no surprise. What I found most disturbing was Mirko Blagaric's assertion that human rights should be, essentially, flexible. Is a lawyer qualified to make such moral and ethical judgements with any additional credibility? I wasn't under the impression that lawyers were also ethicists.

It's a troubling debate to be having in this day and age, but it has given us a chance to openly articulate very strong arguments against this view. Rob Corr, Tim Dunlop, Ken Parish, and Benambra have contributed to the debate with some great points.

Naomi Klein also wrote recently on the use of torture. The article, not only an exemplary piece of journalism, strikes a devastating blow against the argument of Blagaric and others.

I'd like to quote something from a manual published by the US NGO Physicians for Human Rights on treating torture survivors [sourced in Naomi Klein's article]. Mirko Blagaric's assertion that torture is the infliction of 'relatively small amounts of harm' indicates a fundamental misunderstanding about what he is arguing for:

"perpetrators often attempt to justify their acts of torture and ill treatment by the need to gather information. Such conceptualizations obscure the purpose of torture....The aim of torture is to dehumanize the victim, break his/her will, and at the same time, set horrific examples for those who come in contact with the victim. In this way, torture can break or damage the will and coherence of entire communities."

Stuff

2005-05-14T10:34:00.000+10:00

Jellyfish quoted in the Senate? From Andrew Bartlett's round up of the Senate on May 10:

Following that, there were a lot of speeches to a motion acknowledging the 60th anniversary of Victory in Europe Day. I spoke to this isse, and quoted some parts from a piece on Jellyfish's blog which I thought gave a good insight into the suffering and damage to lives in just one family that is caused by war.

I can't help but wonder how Andrew segued into the blog reference without making the fuddy-duddy Senators go cross-eyed. "A jellyfish did what?" - "A blob? A bog? Come again?"

beverything

2005-05-11T18:21:00.000+10:00

Some guy came in to buy bread from work today, with a can of bourbon tucked under one arm and a young boy sitting on his shoulders. He was drunk, and dropped some money on the counter with the kind of movement that indicates some loss of co-ordination, whether by immediate drunkenness, or loss of braincells due to prolonged alcoholism. It worried me that he had his kid on such a precarious perch in this state. The can of bourbon slipped from under his arm and spilt all over the ground in front of the store. "Do you guys have a mop?". Bourbon and sickly sweet bourbon stink everywhere.

Farken bogans.

My mum said, if I watch Big Brother 05, shoot me. Then she watched it on sunday and monday. I didn't have a gun. The budget tore her away on tuesday, and we watched several hours of, well, too much Coalition smirking. No tax cuts for our family, and another round of this bizarro Robin Hood financial management, steal from the poor to give to the rich. We were both making snide comments, and I told her: "Mum, I think I'm a socialist." She laughed a bit. I don't know enough about socialism to declare myself a follower, but I certainly don't like capitalism. Maybe I could simply try to work for the improvement of whatever we have.

Socialists, any advice?

And another one for the politically inclined, a reform of the senate: get rid of state electorates and create one electorate for the whole nation. Senators are elected based on the votes of the entire population. It solves the problem of malapportionment, but stops senators representing a certain area. The question is, is that what they are doing at the moment? Would this really be such a change from current practice?

tasty spam

2005-05-07T18:55:00.000+10:00

Mmm... Tasty Spam

From the people that bought you the Nigerian Businessman [tm] series of spam e-mails comes the new and exciting opportunities presented by BONO LOTO!

BONO LOTO to me

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today the 8th of April 2005 of winners of the BONO Loto's International program. Your details attached to ticket number 275-1085-8862-005, with serial number 8786-35 drew the lucky winning 1 15 22 30 43 45 You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of one million, five hundred and ten thousand, seven hundred and sixty-six euros, forty cents only, (1.510.766,40 Euro.) in cash credited to file Ref Nº: EAASL/206/8320054/887. And you can as well search our website to see that you are one of the lucky winners of this month <http://onlae.terra.es/sorteos.asp>.
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 25,000 names from Middle East, Asia, Africa, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zea land, South and North America as part of our International promotion programmes.

etc. etc...

To begin your claim, please contact your International claims agent,
COLE RUBEN,
Client service manager,
Fountain Trust finance & security
TEL: + 44-704-011-8295
EMAIL:cole-fountain@workmail.co.za

I remember that Cole was also the guy from the Nigerian Businessman [tm] spams. Maybe they thought that was a really trustworthy name, and conjures up an image like this:

Cole Ruben

acting on the orders of...

Bono

Watch out.

reading

2005-05-05T17:05:00.000+10:00

I've been pretty quiet lately, I suppose. Maybe for the last few months I've spent a little too much time on the internet, and now I'm not spending enough, to balance things out. What have I been doing with all this free time? Uh, I don't know. School, and stuff. Nothing worth blogging about.

Have tentatively started to read again - I usually end up going to the library after work every few weeks, stumble around in a sore-footed daze, and take home whatever I knock out of the shelves in my stupor.

Haven't had the presence of mind to put together all those kind book reccomendations, but I did pick up a few sci-fi novels, and one in particular by an aussie blogger (though he lives in the US now, and was a writer before a blogger... but whatevs). The book is Jennifer Government by Max Barry and it isn't half-bad; one of those sci-fi novels that would be better called speculative fiction - maybe that is what it's called - because it doesn't focus very much at all on the scientific advancements and space-ships, etc - it's not as 'satirical' or 'whitty' as it promises to be, and the dialogue is often disappointing. The heroine gives people lip all the time, and I like that, though.

Actually, at the same time, I'm reading The Dream Master by Roger Zelazny, but it's been put on hold for the other book. Zelazny is a good writer, admittedly, but I'm not so fond of his characterization - and to me, that's the most important thing in a book. I suppose I could also be said to be reading Henry Lawson's short-stories, for English. It's all good stuff, but this passage struck me as exceptional - it's from 'Joe Wilson's Courtship':

I didn't like the idea of hanging myself: I'd been with a party who found a man hanging in the Bush, and it was no place for a woman round where he was. And I'd helped drag two bodies out of the Cudgeegong river in a flood, and they weren't sleeping beauties. I thought it was a pity that a chap couldn't lie down on a grassy bank in a graceful position in the moonlight and die just by thinking of it -- and die with his eyes and mouth shut.

places to go

2005-04-30T09:53:00.000+10:00

A few places to go*, while I'm young and kicking:

Japan - like an alternate reality for Western culture, Japan is fascinating, I think, both for its history, and its contemporary culture. I decided I had to visit Japan after watching Lost in Translation. I'd always known the rural areas were gorgeous, but began to feel that the city could be equally awe inspiring. I love high-technology.

Russia - To me, Russia in many was characterises Europe. Studying the Russian Revolution at school has helped create an interest, too. I love the language, and it would be amazing to see St. Petersburg, which is, apparently, largely unchanged since the days of Lenin. A good place, also, to experience true, friggin' freezing, cold.

UK, Scotland, Ireland - Rich history, amazing comedy, adorable accents. See how those reasons get progressively more superficial? Love the scenery. I'd stalk Jennifer Saunders.

Mexico - Again, another mainly historic interest here. Would be visiting Aztec ruins more than anything else, poking around in the jungle with a machete. OK, maybe driving on a road surrounded by jungle. Maybe just looking at pictures of the jungle. Will buy something made of llama wool. Will eat potatoes. Will buy amazing quality classical guitar. Will learn how to play flamenco. Because I'll be rich at this time (der), and able to pay for this stuff.

US + Canada - I'd mainly like to see the people in the US. How do they think? Where do they live, really? What makes the country like it is? I can see skyscrapers and desert at home - it's the culture I'm interested in. Something, maybe, that you can't understand unless you are sitting in the middle of it. Travelling there is the closest I could get... unless I end up living there, some day. Can't imagine the circumstances that might lead to that, though. Canada is where I will meet my future husband (Hayden Christensen or other).

Maybes: China, Mongolia, Egypt, Spain.

* List may change as idealistic youth aspirations are re-shuffled each week.

ipod_woes

2005-04-30T09:33:00.000+10:00

iPod Woes
My friend and I both own iPods - though I've had mine a little longer than he's had his. Mine is more than a year old, and the battery is wearing out, each full charges equates to only one or two hours of listening time. Things could be worse though: my friend's iPod has stopped functioning completely, and inside, it sounds as if some part of its inner workings has come loose and is rattling around, banging against the case. Luckily his is still covered by a warranty, but if mine stopped working now, I'd have to shell out a few hundred dollars to get it repaired. I've heard so many stories about iPods breaking and carking it, that I'm feeling a little worried.

Not as worried as my friend will be if he can't find his Warranty papers!

Is it commonplace to have this kind of trouble with iPods?

Something interesting.

google maps

2005-04-27T09:17:00.000+10:00

maps.google.com. Some would say the Satellite feature is an invasion of privacy.

popculture

2005-04-27T08:50:00.000+10:00

Even the sternest amongst you love pop-culture. I'm scolding of Ausculture, our home-grown pop-culture fix, however, because through it I've viewed an image of someone very much like G. W. Bush with his wang hanging out.

My eyes. My eyes.

But scolding only in a lightly admonishing and still loving way, because I was given much fore-warning before clicking through. Still, the US is the home of Western pop-culture (arguably), and is home to two great pop-culture blogs in particular: Low-Culture and the Panopticist.

One reason why you should visit and enjoy Low-Culture: 'Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 51'.

One reason why you should visit and enjoy the Panopticist: 'So, Tonight I Spied on Area 51'.

Of course, don't think I'm going to neglect Nelson Aspen. From him, we learn that Jennifer Lopez is writing a self-help book for celebrities. The topic? How to deal with unwanted attention. What a wide market.

dusty

2005-04-23T08:22:00.000+10:00

*Dusts corners.*

*Sprays. And wipes.*

*Makes the Windex and paper towel.*

Done. Let's pretend like this thing wasn't abandoned for a few days, shall we? I don't particularly have a good excuse either. Busy. You've heard that one before. I can hear you going 'pffft' with all your might.

The pope, ay? I think I've missed the boat with this one, but didn't we all? It was only when JP II stopped speaking that the media gave a rats about him. They circled like vultures for weeks, waiting to get the first scoop on his death. Strange that the most ineffective period of his life should recieve more import and attention than anything else he's ever done, good or bad.

Still, there's one point I'd like to focus in on:

1) Ratzinger was involved in the Hitler youth - but it was compulsory, and his family were anti-Nazi.

2) He is the second German pope in almost a thousand years.

If we've held out on a German pope for that long, why pick one who lived through the 20th century? Why not pick someone else, youngish, for a pope, and pick the German guy next time - who wasn't exposed to the Nazi regime. Really, who knows what effects this may have had on him? And one thing we can be certain of, the stigma is unpleasant. There were a lot of other choices.

Cardinal Arinze
So, he could have been the first black pope in 1,500 years? Does this mean there have been Caucasian popes for 1,500 years? Might have been time for a change there too.

He's got to be better than Ratzinger!

/End of Pope commentary forever.

sound

2005-04-16T08:14:00.000+10:00

If a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I think the answer is no, because what we call sound is the conversion of vibrations into brain messages in the ear. Therefore, if there is nothing present to perceive sound, it remains vibrations.

I think this is same for the composer who recorded a few minutes of silence and called it a composition, because to him, silence was sound. However, if you use the above argument, that sound is the interpretation of those vibrations, and the absence of vibrations is the absence of sound, his composition is not a 'sound' at all.

I'd also like to say that secret tracks are really disappointing. Especially those ones that come in at the end of a song after say... 9 minutes of silence. Usually they aren't worth the wait. I think they spoil the feeling of coherency in an album.

Now that I've completed several random musings, I'd like to finish with: If you fail to leave everything important that you have to do until the last few days of the holidays, is it really a holiday? I don't think so. That's why I've done just that...

woes

2005-04-12T11:54:00.000+10:00

I got something pretty good delivered to me yesterday. Guess what it is. No, you're wrong. It was an IBM Thinkpad computer tower. Funny thing, you see, the screen was sent by seperate courier and is coming two days later. So I can't enjoy the tower at all. I can still enjoy the attractive look of it, though.

I'd say the only other truly excellent thing I've had delivered to me was a T-shirt signed by Audioslave, which includes the three best guys in Rage Against the Machine. Yes, I have Tom Morello's signature. He's just about the best contemporary guitarist that ever tortured a guitar. I won it for being like, a nerd. It's now lying folded at the bottom of my drawer.

What's the best thing you've ever had delivered to you?

2005-04-08T18:16:00.000+10:00

If I was a cartoon I would be drawn with bloodshot eyes with droopy black bags beneath them. Suffering from a bit of our friend sleep deprivation. Can't have coffee. Should sleep, but... Thought I should blog something. Blog wins.

It encourages me to see that you all love books so much. It makes me want to love them again too. I'm going to try and slog through all the books that have been reccomended to me in the last few days, and I'll let you know what I think. Made a start today with a trip to two op-shops, here's what I picked up for $4.40 (I'm not going to do this in the form of a list, because Martin has referred to me as Ms. Listmaster and a friend of mine said my blog had enough music lists to choke a donkey, so I'll just let it be with the numbers and bullets, shall I?).

I think I managed to score dodgy class of 1982 school text editions of most of Shakespeare's prominent works: Romeo & Juliet, Julius Ceasar, Othello, The Merchant of Venice, and Twelfth Night. Also, Stephen King's Misery, Roger Lancelyn Green's Tales of Ancient Egypt, Robert Jordan's Crossroads of Twilight, three Alfred Hitchcock Mysteries, and, for some ironic-distance, a novelization of the Mad Max screenplay.

Of course, with Neitzche's The Gay Science, Conrad's Heart of Darkness, Thucydyde's History of the Peloponnesian War and some Henry Lawson short-stories to read before the end of next week, they may have to gather dust for a little while.

. . .
We took my nan to have a look at retirement villages today. It was quite depressing. In her words: "they look like they're waiting to go to God." A human elephant graveyard. That got me thinking about my baba, and Anzac day has me thinking about grandpa. But I'm not one to dwell. Am I?

dirt is good

2005-04-05T08:57:00.000+10:00

1
Max Barry, author/blogger extraordinaire, has picked up on OMO's national Dirt Is Good Day. Get your kids dirty, then wash their clothes with OMO!

But remember kids: No Stain. No Learning.

As Max suggests, maybe this could lead to more corporations inventing community-minded national days like the 'ExxonMobil National Go For a Long, Aimless Drive Day', or the 'AT&T National Just Check Your Relatives Are Still Okay Day'.

Ah, those wily corporations. Just what will they think of next?

You can read his post here.

2
The man from Sterne has put together a 'Choose Your Own' opinion piece on the Pope's death, where you call the shots. Was JP the hotness, or the notness? It's as easy as 1, 2, 3.

drivink

2005-04-04T09:41:00.000+10:00

If you'd like to suggest an excellent book for me to read, see below post. I think you would.

Just a quick note to say that I had a driving lesson at night yesterday, and for the first time started without jolting. Yay. Of course, the starts following were kind of jolty, but not so much. Progress is being made. Now we've moved on to changing up to 3rd and down again, which is sort of tricky in a car park. I was rounding a bend and thought I'd gone down to 1st, when actually I went up to 3rd. That was an interesting kind of jolting that led to a hand-brake start on a hill.

But yeah, things are moving along. Soon I'll be doing burn-outs on your front lawn.

not reading

2005-04-03T14:30:00.000+10:00

Maybe my imagination is deteriorating. When I was younger, I used to read two or three books at a time. I could read for five hours straight. It wasn't detached, you know, a little bit here, a little bit there: when I was reading, I felt totally gripped by the story. When I began a book, I would finish it. I enjoyed everything. And I miss those days.

My writing was better, my imagination was clearer. Reading, even the trashiest of novels, never makes your brain feel limp and bloated like television does.

For some reason or other I haven't been able to read properly for the last year. I begin a book, but I can't see it as anything but an author tapping away, trying to make me feel certain things, elicit certain reactions. There seems to be some kind of wall between my mind and the words on the page. And it's terrible. Reading has always been one of my favourite past-times.

I went to the library yesterday and returned only with CDs and DVDs. I read Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness for my literature class and it didn't move me at all. Am I reading the wrong books? Am I turning into one of those people that "don't read books"?

Ugh. Don't know what to do.

do i keep my mouth shut

2005-04-01T21:49:00.000+10:00

My nan is excellent. She also votes Liberal. Recently, she remarked that muslims spoil Easter, because we don't celebrate it in schools anymore: "I know they have their own culture, but they've got to be flexible". She also declared that a lesbian on our street was "confused".

My mum votes for the Greens, but was telling me how it's sad that there are so many 'Asian' people, and 'Asian' shops, in the city. "If you were a tourist from another country, you'd think Melbourne was another city in Asia". I don't really understand where she's coming from. Of course, I let her know what I thought about that. But I didn't say anything in response to my nan, even though I found a lot of what she was saying pretty objectionable. I love her. I love a Liberal voter, who is somewhat racist and somewhat homophobic.

I think we all have someone in our family or circle of friends that holds questionable social/political views. But you still care for them - because they're funny, caring, or have always helped out your family. Do I say something, start an argument? Or do I let it slide, and think, I'm close to this person because of their other qualities?

She stayed over the night of the election. In the morning, I was carrying her bags to the tram-stop with her, and said "It's going to cost me another $10,000 dollars to go to Uni now." She just made this noise... a sigh, or a groan, I can't really describe it. A human malfunction. She just doesn't know. I just keep quiet.

terry schiavo's blog

2005-04-01T21:01:00.000+10:00

Terry Schiavo's Blog

I can't really explain this. Can you? I mean...

the last 15 songs i didn't

2005-03-31T17:01:00.000+10:00

With un-intentional inspiration from Jess...
The Last 15 Songs I DIDN'T Listen to on my iPod... Really

1. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
2. Madness - House of Fun
3. Hanson - MMM... Bop
4. Good Charlotte - Girls and Boys
5. Darude - Sandstorm
6. Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal
7. Alicia Keys - Fallin'
8. Angels Brought Me Here - Guy Sebastian
9. Jet - Look What You've Done
10. The Cat Empire - Hello
11. Bomba - Copshow
12. Tina Turner - Nutbush City Limits
13. Freestylers - Push Up
14. LMC vs. U2 - Take Me To The Clouds Above
15. Olivia Newton John - Let's Get Physical

I can't think of 15 songs I hate more than these.

*

I'd like to apologise for the lacklustre blogging of late. School is getting a bit hectic at the moment, so I'm sort of trying to maintain some semblance of blogging activity, without it requiring any thought/time [as seen above]. I've created a freak show of cheap posts. Marvel at their cheapness. Marvel!

Now I think I'm going to study, or something...

testimonials

2005-03-30T20:07:00.000+10:00

Testimonials!

Ian "Dicko" Dickinson

"Honestly, this blog is shithouse. Absolute rubbish. It makes me want to leave my lucrative and popular position as a judge on Australian Idol, and go work for bloody Channel 7, judging restaraunts that are almost as shit-house as you!"

"
Mark Holden

"This blog is goony-goo-goo to the max. Poo-pee-poo-poo-blah-blah baddabim-baddaboom Y-FACTOR bum-wee-piss-vahina. It's a no from me too, Dicko."

Marcia Hines

"I feel for you sister, I really feel for you. You were very brave to start a blog, and I admire your courage, I really do, girlfriend. Mmm... sugah. Man, I have to stop milking this African-American stereotype before it gets old. Anyway, it's a no from me. I'm sorry."

Simon Cowell

"In all honesty, reading Le Driver is like being poked with little needles all over and rolled in salt, then killed and brought back to life only to be killed again. I know you won't believe me when I say this, but it made me hate my life more."

David Stratton

"At best, Le Driver is mediocre, at worst...

"... Oh, wait, is that Cate Blanchett I spy with my bespectacled eye? Rather than one star, I'm now going to give it four-and-a-half. She gets me between the legs."

Margaret Pomerantz

"Le Driver... my, that sounds French! I give it five stars!"

don't worry

2005-03-27T16:56:00.000+10:00

I don't understand why there are two broken images here all of a sudden! My friend who hosts them is, I think, away somewhere, so you may have to put up with them for a few days, unless anyone has a bright idea?

Sorry... I assure you this is a respectful establishment. Honest.

merry easter

2005-03-26T19:03:00.000+11:00

Merry Easter!

good things
- Everybody is allowed and encouraged to eat chocolate.
- Four days sleeping in.
- At least a few days off work.
- Cute little rabbits... made of chocolate.
- Chocolate Hot Cross buns.
- Lots of people are happy that Jesus came back alive.

bad things
- Chocolate makes your feel sort of gross.
- You count down how long you have until work/school resumes.
- The sadistic murder of a certain prophet on Friday, several thousand years ago.

I'd give you all easter eggs if I could see you and touch you. However, this is the freaking internet. I can only touch you with my words. In this spirit, I present:

Lame Celebrities With Lame Blogs
Alyssa Milano
Barbra Streisand
David Duchovny
Fred Durst
Rosie O'Donnell
Moby

greatest hits

2005-03-25T10:05:00.000+11:00

Greatest Hits
This works just like an iPod 15 Last Played list except rather than sneakily listing your 15 absolute favourite songs instead, here, you are supposed to do just that.

Without A Face - Rage Against The Machine
Pyramid Song - Radiohead
Bring 'Em Back Alive - Audioslave
Snakecharmer - Rage Against The Machine
The Best Things - Filter
City Girl - Kevin Shields
Amsterdam - Coldplay
Deathblow - Deftones
Sil Lum Tao - Detroit Escalator Company
Sunday Afternoon - G&M Project
Sabilulungan - Samba Sunda
Say Sumthin' - Ed.OG
Zero Chance - Soundgarden
Judith - A Perfect Circle
Swamped - Lacuna Coil

And you?

*

My brief but definite opinion on how Terry Schiavo should be treated: when Terry was alive, she expressed to her husband that she did not want to live if she was ever in a situation like this one. A human life is more than a body functioning autonomously - the body lives, but Terry Schiavo does not. Therefore, in accordance with her wishes, her body should be allowed to die. The individual ownership of her own body cannot be overridden by the evangelical moral agenda of the Bush administration.

terry schiavo summary

2005-03-24T17:33:00.000+11:00

I've been following the Terry Schiavo case in the media since it began. I have strong opinions on this, but I'll let other, more articulate bloggers do the talking for the moment:

Fulmination Dave has included a bit of commentary on the issue in a post largely concerning the film Three Dollars - however, it's worth a look for the Herald cartoon included, if you don't have access to the paper. It depicts a bald eagle holding a 'right to life' flag in its beak, while simultaneously dropping bombs.

The Road to Surfdom contains quite a detailed post discussing various aspects of the issue.

Weezil's coverage consists of a comprehensive summary of what has transpired so far, and is extensively linked to articles that'll get you up to speed on what is going on. This one is a must.

Also, see Million Dollar Baby, if you haven't. It's a great film - and relevant too.

*

On a more superficial note, I've been considering what are my 20 songs I couldn't live without. Well, songs I could live with, but would miss freaking heaps if I lost them. Somehow.

OK, let's just call it a list of the 20 Best Songs Evar. Coming tomorrow to a cinema near you.

umm actually

2005-03-23T17:03:00.000+11:00

"Um... Actually Daniel, I'm, ah... not your father."

Jedi Lesson #5: Use your light-saber safely.

time travel fund

2005-03-19T12:43:00.000+11:00

Become a nightmare billionare from the future with...

http://www.timetravelfund.com

1. You give them $10 dollars.
2. They put the money in a fund with compound interest for like, 500 years.
3. That money becomes billions of dollars due to the interest acquired over all that time.
4. The Time Travel Fund [tm] pays people to bring you into the future.
5. It could happen before or after you die, they don't know.
6. They may be able to bring back family members who have died into the future.

I wish I'd thought of this. Nobody can think about time-travel without getting a headache: when you try to think of how it doesn't work, or its possible flaws, your brain opens the pink squiggly bit with 'time-travel' written on it, peeks inside, screams, and then shuts it again with a slam.

For example, the argument against point 6, that they could bring back deceased loved ones, doesn't work. Because if they had record of your request in the future, they may as well travel back to the point before the deceased family member died. But this means you wouldn't have made the request in the first place, doesn't it? But, if you ended up making the request, this would mean that the Time Travel Fund [tm] had failed already, because nobody had come to take the loved one to the future. Are you seeing how much this hurts the brain yet?

Why not just get people to bring you all the money you've earnt from the fund when you're 18, so you can be infinitely rich without going into the future? But this would mean you'd have to apply for the Time Travel Fund after you actually got the money from it. What if you got the money, then decided not to apply?

Is this an appropriate time to use the word paradox in some context?

End note: I call for more scams involving time-travel on Today Tonight and A Current Affair.

stop it

2005-03-19T10:53:00.000+11:00

Cheap post #11: Announce one day that you are confused, un-inspired, pessimistic and busy - therefore, you probably won't be able to blog any more. At least for a while.

If you have at least a moderate number of readers, most of them will make reassuring comments and implore you to return, such is our nature.

Then, one or two days later, post as normal.*

*This is very popular at the moment.

In this spirit I'd like to announce a hiatus from blogging. It will last until tomorrow or monday...

Or until later today, if I find a funny website.

you want gmail

2005-03-17T21:46:00.000+11:00

I have 50 invitations for Gmail accounts to give out. It's a powerful, user-friendly system and I reccomend it over Hotmail. Before Nu-Ju - who has started blogging again, by the way - leaves a comment stating something to the effect of 'Gmail is evil', I'd like to point out that I am aware of the fact and it makes me like it more.

If anyone would like an account, leave a comment with your e-mail address or send a message to ledriver@gmail.com.

P.S - I'd never used the words 'heart' or 'hearting' before Bloggington Love Day. On that day, I used it a few times too many. I think I'll go back to not using it at all. Apparently 'group-pash' is the Aussie equivalent now - i.e. I group-pash you.

Just doesn't have the same ring to it.

blogger love in

2005-03-16T10:15:00.000+11:00

If it weren't for blogs, or in this case, The Road to Surfdom, how would we know that the Bush administration has been making hundreds of fake news stories and broadcasting them as real news for several years?

It seems as if the ability to get angry about what the Whitehouse is doing has been dulled. Nothing is surprising any more. Since the disastrous election result, there seems to be little to do but dig in and wait for it all to be over.

But it's wednesday, and who wants to be depressed about politics on a wednesday? That's more a tuesday kind of thing. So, without further ado, I intend to take part in the Ausculture.com initiated Bloggington Love Day, in order to 'spread the hearting forever'.

You see, yesterday, I got 11 hits. This is an indicator that I'm something of a new-born in, uh, Bloggington - or perhaps what I write doesn't have wide-spread appeal. I don't know, you'd have to tell me. But there are some people who read, some who comment, a few who have linked to me, and others who have given me encouragement and kind words when I felt overwhelmingly rubbish about my prospects as a blogger.

These people make blogging a lot of fun to do. If you are reading this, you're one of them, and I want you to know that I heart you.

things i wish i'd thought of

2005-03-13T12:40:00.000+11:00

25% of my life is spent admiring the genius things other people think of. The other 75% of my life is taken up wishing that I'd thought of them myself. Some examples?

Anonymous Lefty is suitably outraged over the sacking of a lesbian school-teacher. This anger is channelled into both wit and information. I would like to master this two-for-one technique.
Lesson to be learned: If you're going to be angry, be funny about it.

Jellyfish is hilarious and not even crass. She is also honest and self-deprecating.
Lesson to be learned: All the best blogs are funny. Even if you are serious, you have to be serious on an amusing way. Clearly, this is a contradiction - only the best understand how to do it.*

Rob Corr's blog is what The Age would be like if it was written entirely by him. And each page looked sort of like his blog on the computer screen. Whatever. He is exceptional because he mixes up serious political commentary with sweet asides about him and his girlfriend, Manas.
Lesson to be learned: Straight guys who get up in arms about homophobia are endlessly endearing.

Krankiboy is inventive. He's American, yet he knows things about Australia. Remarkable. I don't know if the 'Ring Ring' idea was first thought of by him, but I'm too lazy to do research.
Lesson to be learned: Any series of innovative posts that causes a whole new blog to be devoted to the idea is genius.

Martin Pike is mainly concerned with politics, music and being nice. The strange thing is that I know a guy called Martin Pike who lives in the inner-north but he is 17 or 18 years old and a pratt. The real Martin Pike is not this. He is controversial.
Lesson to be learned: Bloggers should criticise and scrutinise one another. This forces us to examine our own views. It's good to have guts.

Adam of Supermercado Project fame (I include this because Adam is the most common man-name in blog-world) occasionally breaks into forays of investigative journalism. I cannot help but admire posts that require travel, photos, and some degree of physical exertion. This tribute to Wobbie's World is such an example.
Lesson to be learned: Everyone loves to remember.

- - -

And that is all. There is much more genius to be found around the place, but only so much Le Driver.

*Absolutely like the late Bruce Lee's ability to punch 8 times in one second.

no soul

2005-03-11T17:06:00.000+11:00

Arguments Against the Existence of the Soul
Vol. 2 in the pseudo-precocious* metaphysical post series.

There is no physical thing that could be identified as a soul. Some interpret an expiring body's loss of 21 grams as the escape of the soul, yet how could a phenomenon that is not constructed of matter weigh something?

In addition, it's not disputed that our thoughts, feelings, memories, identity and faculty for action are stored in the brain. These characteristics are often attributed to the soul. However, if these things, and how they are to us, can be modified by damage and chemical imbalances within the brain, how could it be argued that they are dependent upon the soul? If the contents of the soul are wholly expressed and altered by the physical reality of the brain, the soul is rendered redundant.

A soul would only become relevant or effectual at the time of death. What happens then? Is the contents of the brain downloaded to the soul like two Hard Drives swapping data? Does the soul fly through the air to another place? If it is not a physical or determinable thing, and if it has no relevance to human life, why should it exist? What is its function? How could it exist? What evidence is there?

I find it difficult to see the notion as anything more than tradition carried over from the days when humans did not understand the function or importance of the brain, and attributed its characteristics to something mystic and external.

To me, the idea of the soul is a mere combination of religious tradition and an old ignorance of human anatomy.

* Case in point.

why im an atheist

2005-03-08T21:04:00.000+11:00

Atheism
For me, god is irrelevant. This doesn't disprove the existence of a god, but is often the foundation of atheism. Every day occurrances, good or bad, can be explained by the laws of nature. For me, the argument that a god can affect these things would, if this were true, merely indicate a futile, random force. If I devote myself to a god, but lead a life full of tragedy, what does it matter? If the individual must suffer as part of "God's Plan", said plan is worthless. If a person with a religion leads a better life than one without, this is far more likely to be caused by the tenets of said religion - and a moral code is equally available to an atheist, should they seek it. Such things can exist irrespective of a God. But if the fact of God, in and of itself, does not improve my life, or manifest itself in it, of what worth is that belief?

So, point one, I don't see a need for religion. Secondly, I see the existence of a god, at least in any conventional form, as an impossibility. There is a strong rational, scientific argument against it. The idea in itself does not conform to the laws of physics and matter. Further, if there is a god with an interest in human affairs, why evolution? Why take billions of years to get to this point, and why allow humans to develop so quickly into a force capable of destroying itself? If such a god had the power to design every aspect of the human being, why not remove its capacity for brutality, or bestow it with inherent knowledge? Why take billions of years to create something so flawed?

No current religion could be proved more right than the other, yet they are all in contradiction. How can a person pick one, and believe that the other thousands of religions that have existed over time are mere fantasies, but this one, this particular one, is right? Others argue that, through all the different religions, we are really worshipping one, universal, conscious force, through different manifestations. Yet consciousness inherently implies humanity, and some degree of rationality, and ordered thinking. The nature of the universe would imply that whoever created it (if there was some kind of designer), did not possess any of the characterics we associate with a god. It is random, amoral. It operates based on laws and rules, all of which we are not familiar with. I truly believe that science and philosophy, not religion, are the practices that bring us closer to the nature of the universe.

In my eyes, there is little point in belief in a god, because it bears no more rewards than the firm absence of belief. The moral tenants of a religion, maybe, the sense of security provided by a feeling of being 'watched over', yes, but these things can be found elsewhere. Maybe it is better for well-being to believe in the divine - more conducive to happiness, or success in other areas of life. Though, I think, atheism can offer some of these benefits. I've taken my views and values from considered thought about the contemporary world - surely similar to a religious moral code. And as for that sense of security, there is a certain reassuring feeling you get when you believe something that is truly 'right' in your mind. With religion, this is attained by believing wholly in god. I gain this by believing wholly that our notion of god does not exist.

I couldn't say if this makes my life better, or if it is better for a person to be religious, or not to be. It's simply the conclusion I've arrived at, after lots of contemplation. I don't think anything, short of a miracle*, could convince me otherwise.

* And even if that miracle did occurr, I'd probably find a scientific explanation for it involving magnetic fields. Or something. Not that I'm good at science. Mmm... I guess that's kind of ironic.

the post with no name

2005-03-07T17:31:00.000+11:00

If you are one of those people who have come here from a 'mindless sex slave' google search, you are going to have to suffer in your jocks because, though you may have got the mindless part right, there are no sex slaves in sight. I'm saving that for version 4.0.

Unfortunately, I can't acces the internet on sundays, mondays and tuesdays, so whatever post I make on saturday is going to remain craptacular for three days. I've somehow managed to get on, but not long enough for me to post anything semi-decent. Ahem.

[ 1 ] I've been learning to drive in a car-park, but our car is manual and I don't understand how to start without much jerking and shuddering. I've been several times now. Clearly there's no hope for me.

[ 2 ] Skittles aren't so good after you eat more than a hand-full.

[ 3 ] Albums that grow on you are often better than ones you immediately like.

[ 4 ] I still reckon everyone bullshits on those iPod lists.

[ 5 ] I went to two parties on the weekend, both dress-ups. One was Tyrants & Terrorists. I came as an undead mafia member. Don't ask me how this relates to the theme. I was accompanied by El Vira/Vampira and a Pirate. Again, don't ask. Second party was 'Opulence' themed. You heard right. I was a Celebrity Kabbalist, but I didn't even wear red thread. How half-assed.

friday

2005-03-05T11:31:00.000+11:00

You want to buy a witty and clever Anti-War or Free The Refugees badge. You approach a cloth covered table strewn with propaganda. There are some badges in the corner. Those manning the table talk at you while you peruse the badges. "Torture camps...", "Lock up the Howard government...", "Oppose the decision..." - and god forbid anyone ask a question. "We also have a newspaper you can buy for $2.00...".

Why would I do that, when I can get all the rhetoric I want for free, right here?

digital everything

2005-03-03T17:27:00.000+11:00

At the beginning of 2004 I was still using a discman, nor did I have a burner, making compilations a rare thing.

At that time, the album reigned supreme. I couldn't be bothered changing CDs every few songs, meaning I skipped around my favorites on each album, or patiently endured songs I didn't like as much.

Since mid-2004, the iPod has made me a fickle, whimsical creature. One of its greatest strengths is the ability to navigate from artist to artist, song to song, in split seconds. There's just no reason to be patient anymore. Now, I rarely sit through a whole album, warts and all, when I can easily make play-lists that are virtual 'Greatest Hits', or arrange songs to segue nicely into each-other in a way that suits me.

When I buy an album, its contents are relinquished to iTunes and it is put safely on my CD rack to gather dust. Once its on the computer, I'll generally give it a full listen while I'm doing something (like, um, blogging, or looking at blogs), and decide what I want to do with it. Depending on its quality, or genre, I'll mash up the order of songs, add the best tracks to a play-list, or mix it up with other songs by the same artist.

For me, my iPod has abolished the structure of the album as it is held on CD. The way I see it, soon we will be walking into CD stores with a plastic card, we'll pay for a certain amount of credit to be put in that card, swipe it, and then we'll connect our mp3 players to a computer and download songs and albums in store.

At parties, we'll plug our mp3 players into the sound system, and have thousands of songs at our beck and call - though, admittedly, iPods are a bit more vulnerable to spilt-beer damage than CDs are.

Just how long does the CD album have to live? Is it already on its last legs?*

* All this talk of albums and CDs might have made you want to buy one. I don't know. Maybe that kind of thing happens. Anyway, if you're going to buy one record this week, make sure it's Frances the Mute, the second album from The Mars Volta (pictured above). It's going to be amazing.

honesty

2005-03-02T17:45:00.000+11:00

Re: iPod 'Last 15 Listened to' Lists

"Do people really write what the last songs they listened to were? Or do they write things that they think will make them sound cool, impressive, eclectic, mysterious, urbane and very 'now?' Do they spend time scrolling through their song lists going, 'Write that one, and that one and - God, Robbie Williams, hide that - and that one and Kings of Leon and...?'"

-- Jellyfish

I've thought the very same thing (though in a rather less amusing way) when browsing through blog posts titled 'Last # Songs Listed to'. I refuse to believe these are accurate - not everybody just happens to have listened to the 15 highlights of their iPod; not all Recently Played songs are an ecclectic mix of artists and genres! You know, in my experience, people listen to albums. Sometimes they listen to two songs by one artist in a row. Often it is not the best and freshest music all the time.

I think a more accurate name for an iPod 'Last 15 Listened to' list would be '15 Songs I have Painstakingly Selected To Make Me Look Cutting Edge'. I had a look at my 'Recently Played' playlist. The most recent additions were about 13 songs from Kanye West's 'College Dropout' - I listened to the album on the bus. The other two were trance. Not impressive. Not interesting.

Compare that... with this!

01 Gaspard de la Nuit (Le Gibet) - Ravel
02 City Girl - Kevin Shields
03 Sil Lum Tao - Detroic Escalator Company
04 Pyramid Song - Radiohead
05 Amsterdam - Coldplay
06 Take The Veil Cerpin Taxt - The Mars Volta
07 It's A Sight to Behold - Devendra Banhart
08 I'm Blue - The 5.6.7.8.'s
09 Fe - Julieta Venegas
10 Stockholme Syndrome - Muse
11 Jesus Walks - Kanye West
12 Opening From Glassworks - Phillip Glass Ensemble
13 Der Golem - Fantomas
14 I'm Gonna Leave This Town - Jimi Hendrix
15 White Pepper Ice Cream - Cibbo Matto

Now, that's better.

Hot Electric Guitar

2005-02-26T11:06:00.000+11:00

Remember how my electric guitar was stolen a few months ago? Well, we got the replacement last night. It's an Epiphone Cherry SG with a black pick-guard and inlays on the fret-board: it sounds great, and I'm very happy.

Now, for the computer...

Amanda Vampire

2005-02-24T17:38:00.000+11:00

Amanda Vampire by Le Driver, in glorious Paint.

'The moral test of a society is how that society
treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children...

...those who are in the twilight of life, the
elderly...

...and those who are in the shadow of life the sick, the needy
and the handicapped.'

-- Hubert Humphrey

10 cheap posts

2005-02-22T21:40:00.000+11:00

A cheap post on ten cheap posts for use in tight spots*

01. Anything to do with your iPod/random music references.
02. Picture of pet or yourself.
03. Post about being tired and over-worked written in an artful and/or vague manner.
04. Link to someone else's genius.
05. Post interesting or thought provoking image you leeched from somewhere else.
06. 95% quote from interesting article + 5% commentary.
07. Cut and paste some writing you did for something else.
08. Borrow/steal genius blog post from other blogger, re-word, link to better original.
09. Post results of online poll you took. Briefly remark on what has been concluded.
10. One or two ambiguous lines that are impossible for the outsider to put into context: hope rampant speculation ensues.

On the rare occasion I have not employed the above cheap post (a mere 50% of the time) I have linked to examples from blogs I love that have. You should be flattered that I remembered this about you. And that it was so hard to find examples, you high-quality bastards.

* This post was intended to be cheap, but it took nearly an hour to gather together all the examples. A philosophic question:

If the effect is cheap, but hard work went into it, does the hard work count?

new design

2005-02-20T12:31:00.000+11:00

I've simplified the design and given myself a bit more space to write - wasn't entirely happy with the tan colours, the font, or the formatting of the text.

My blogroll looks a bit sparse. I really should read more. Can anyone recommend me some good blogs?

Rorting the System

2005-02-17T21:38:00.000+11:00

About 3 months ago my computer and electric guitar were stolen in a spectacular Home Invasion*. Staring at the empty space where my computer used to rest, I realised just how dusty my desk was under there, and was truly afraid. Now, it appears we are finally getting a replacement, and I don't have to use this 4 year old machine anymore (to calculate a computer's age in human years, assume each year counts for 20 human years).

Here is a bunch of nerd jargon:

This computer - 80 years old.
10gb HD
128 MB Ram [upgraded from 64 MB]
500 Mhz Processor
4 MB Video-Card

Stolen Computer - 40 years old.
40gb HD
256 MB Ram
2.4 Ghz Processor
128 MB ATI Radeon 9200 Graphics Card
CD Burner

Replacement - Newborn.
80gb HD
512 MB Ram
2.8 Ghz Processor
CD/DVD Burner
Intel Extreme 2 Graphics Card

If you are a nerd, you will see that everything about the replacement computer is better than the stolen one, except the graphics card. This is a pretty good deal. It's not as if we even tried to rort the system - we gave them the exact specs and expected nothing more in return.

If insurance companies want to voluntarily rort themselves, I am totally down with that.

I think this is an appropriate time to admit that I am a woman but I know about computers and enjoy computer games. However, I don't understand maths or science. I'd like to pretend that balances out my geek-factor to around even. What about yours?

* Spectacular Home Invasion may have ocurred while we were not at home.

I Live In Googletown

2005-02-16T17:47:00.000+11:00

I'm a big fan of conspiracy theories, preferably ones involving Aliens, or Google. Here's a previous post called Google The Word Conspiracy to back-up that statement: clearly I'm into that kind of thing. Then somebody called 'dls' worsened the problem by showing me EPIC, which is all about how Google is going to take over the world. I proceeded to freak out more.

Today, Barry at Alas, A Blog had 50 G-mail invitations to give out. I was curious, like a little kid peering into a house everybody says is haunted. I took a look at gmail-is-too-creepy.com, which has convinced me that G-mail is going to read my mind. In a computer-like manner.

But I'm like the curious kid that decides to step inside the haunted house. I'm interested in what Google is doing. I'm not a criminal, I don't e-mail or receive e-mails containing anything of importance to the FBI or the CIA. Unless they're interested in Penis Enlargement, or Nigerian Money (which they may well be), I don't think anything bad will come of it. The, uh, complete lack of privacy is a trade-off for the ability to say, or write, I was there: Google owned my blog, my communications, my information, and I watched it all unfold. If they're fucking me over, I'd like to see how they do it.

If you'd like your words added to a vast computer-brain database with lasers and many eyes, send something to ledriver@gmail.com.

* If the above made no sense, its because you didn't visit this site. Or, I'm a spaz.

Valentine's Day

2005-02-15T19:28:00.000+11:00

I'm not into that shit. This is not because I'm bitterly single. I'm not bitter. Just single.

1. A set date for expressing love is not so romantic.
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't believe in it. You do. Vague resentment ensues.
3. Bitter singles walk around scowling. Feel insecure.
4. Thousands of roses are torn from the ground, to slowly die in tasteless vases everywhere.
5. Another occasion where spending money is required.
6. Person gets Valentine's message. Other person does not. Feels sad.
7. Measuring up of gifts received against those of friends. Can only result in hurtful comparison.
8. Another stolen American holiday.

It's not sweet or lovely in anyway. It's not. Really. No. Shut up.

Bush Triples Tsunami Aid

2005-02-12T12:03:00.000+11:00

From The New York Times:

President Bush on Wednesday increased the United States tsunami relief pledge to
$950 million, nearly tripling America's contribution.The additional $600 million
would put the United States, which was criticized initially as reacting slowly
to the disaster, ahead of Australia, which has pledged $750 million, and Germany, which has pledged $680 million, among the top donors.

Frankly, this is how the figures should have looked as soon as the disaster happened, not more than a month later. And still, there's a catch:

The U.S. government places conditions on its foreign aid that require most relief and development assistance materials and services to be purchased from U.S. companies and agencies. The last time the the government revealed any data on this issue—back in 1996—72 cents out of every U.S. foreign aid dollar was spent on U.S. goods and services.

This arrangement might strike most U.S. taxpayers as a fair and just arrangement. Why shouldn’t the nation’s economy and its companies get something out of money the government spends on foreign aid?

For starters, this arrangement makes aid less productive. Requiring that foreign aid benefit U.S. companies often means that precious resources are used buying more expensive goods or services; while valuable time is wasted transporting these goods to the region. This hurts poor countries, including those devastated by this disaster of monumental proportions.

Countries that receive aid also have less control and decision-making on how to spend aid money. For example, countries like Malaysia or Sri Lanka, where the staple diet is rice may get shiploads of sorghum, or wheat, because these items are available from U.S. company stockpiles. What’s worse, goods like sugar or roofing sheets that may have been secured in the region, injecting much-needed vigor into the regional economy, are ignored as U.S. materials are imported at top dollar.

Bad taste in the mouth? That's not all. In addition, it seems that U.S. Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz is using the disaster to strengthen U.S ties with Indonesia's brutal military, the TNI. You can read the full article at the Pacific News Service.

Foreign Policy in Focus discusses the implications of using a natural disaster to strengthen ties with a human-rights offender.

Body and Soul saw it first.

Debbie Does God

2005-02-10T17:42:00.000+11:00

Religion is not a part of my immediate family. Though I was Christened by the Macedonian Orthodox church this was only under the duress of my bubba, who was quite religious but not strongly so. I remember that we only broached the subject of religion once when I was a kid: she was speaking about god and I mentioned that I didn't believe in him, only to be told in broken english that I would be consumed by fire on judgement day. And that was the end of it - besides the framed picture of Mary on top of the fridge, she no longer pressed religion upon me.

My great-uncle is a priest, though I don't know him well and he's never mentioned his religion to me. He's convinced nanna that she's Christian, and though she never goes to church or prays, she occasionally decides it would be fitting to say grace before a meal. I haven't witnessed this myself, as we've always talked her out of it. Atheists are good at that kind of thing.

Going to secular schools, having secular friends, mixing with secular people... all these things don't add up to an individual who has much experience of things god-related. Until recently, that is. Let me briefly tell you the story of:

The Rise and Fall of the Catholic Friend

There are three catholic girls at work. The first is one of eleven children - let's assume they take that 'no protection' thing seriously, eh? Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good, right? The second didn't know that yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Third is the friend I'm talking about - she donated a thousand bucks to the tsunami appeal, shouted a customer 70 cents so they could get a custard tart, and is generally a good person with a healthy sense of humour.

Today, she's leaving my suburb and returning to her home-town, 3.5 hours away. I worked with her yesterday, and she invited me to a going-away dinner at an Italian restaraunt on Lygon St, with four other people from work. During the course of the meal we mentioned a new girl who had started at the bakery who liked to tell everyone she met that her father had bisexual affairs. Catholic friend's response?

"If my father was bisexual, I'd hit him in the head with a hammer."

So much for thinking I had met one of those new-age religious types, eh?

With her departure, so ends my insight into the world of religion. And to be honest, I have no intention of going back.

The. Most. Sexist. Article. Evar.

2005-02-09T17:44:00.000+11:00

'Training Your Girlfriend' at AskMen.com. Too bad you can't kill people via e-mail.

Some choice excerpts:

Common Obedience Problems

Aggression
She's out of control and constantly acts up. Brainwashed by a steady diet of Oprah and "feminist" propaganda, she's now "empowered," meaning that her thoughts run somewhere along these lines: "Men have been holding me back, I want mine now, and I don't care what pair of testicles I have to step on to get it." Since a girlfriend's brain is unable to distinguish emotion from logic, this kind of fantasy thinking will prompt her to act in self-destructive patterns and will cause you undue stress around the house.

Whining, Barking (good women don't talk), Not Fetching (not bringing him a beer without being asked) ...

Don't be afraid to say "no"
As many would believe, girlfriends aren't usually as bright as men, so they typically have to be told more than once. And spank her if she continues to misbehave. If she likes it, spank her a lot.

This article, while written in a light hearted tone (hilarious woman-dog comparison), is intended to be truly serious advice for men. Though, I figure, if you're reading that and agreeing with any of the views put forth you're too far gone anyway. 'Gee, I really wish I could train my girlfriend to be a mindless sex-slave!" AskMen.com has the answer.

-- Sourced from feministing.

A Little Election Update

2005-02-05T17:20:00.000+11:00

I'm sure there's a wealth of information on the progress of the Iraq election available, but I came across a few articles I felt encapsulated the situation:

Al-Sistani Backed Alliance Leads in Iraq Vote. Shiites voting for Shiites while many Sunni muslims don't vote at all. If Sunni areas reject the result of the Iraq elections, this will serve only to widen the gap between these two groups, and stoke the flames of Sunni extremism and alienation.

What They're Not Telling You About the 'Election'. A rough estimate of 72% registered voter turn-out should have been a little closer to 60%. More often than not, if the Iraqi people are not voting for parties representing their religion, they are voting for the group that they believe will result in an end to foreign occupation.

I can't remember a day when there was (real) good, positive news from Iraq.

Another interesting read was Rumsfeld Tried to Resign During Prison Scandal. Twice. He was asked to stay on by Bush both times. It is interesting to note this comment...

What was going on in the midnight shift in Abu Ghraib prison halfway across the world is something that clearly someone in Washington, D.C., can’t manage or deal with,” he said, adding: “I have no regrets.”

In light of Rumsfeld's repeated attempts to resign, one would think otherwise.

Now, we'll shift slightly away from U.S. and Iraqi politics to something quite far removed. I agree with Chelsea Peretti; Angelina Jolie is interesting. Kooky, yes, but that's kind of endearing, in a way. The notion of a Hollywood actress working merely to finance various charitable causes around the world certainly is a strange one, yet quite refreshing. AJ is also presenting and narrating a documentary on the European Sex Trade that will air on the ABC sometime during February, so I've heard.

I'm Not Impuslive, Just Impulsive

2005-02-04T23:40:00.000+11:00

Yesterday, I waxed lyrical about getting a mobile phone. I got it today. It was 95 dollars more than I expected but, frankly, money has a strange smell and I like to get rid of it in creative ways. Now you can come to my house and roll me for it - the front door no longer opens so I'd suggest trying a window.

Secondly, I'd just like to announce that you have to buy me a Strictly For My Ninjas* T-shirt before you're allowed to read any more of this blog. That's right. Stop reading. Now. Downloading my thoughts for free steals income from the artist.

I also decided to begin writing an album of songs yesterday. The album is called 'People Who Lost Sleep Saving The World' and I wrote lyrics to the first song, which is either going to be titled 'Talking To Strangers' or 'Domino', late last night. My acoustic guitar has a broken string and my electric guitar is in the sweaty paws of some drug-dealer so for the moment I might pretend it's just a collection of poems. Yes, pretend. In other words, it's probably just poems. You can't read this blog any more until you buy me a new D string, either.

Tomorrow my style will change completely and I'll be serious, lest all my vaguely intellectual readers forget that I have articulated opinions. Let the use of the words 'lest', 'vaguely' and 'articulated' in my previous sentence serve as a tantalizing sample of what is to come.

* I imagine Krankiboy to be some kind of expert on witty/hilarious clothing. This must be central to the delicate task of charming Melbourne's exclusive circle of hip nerds. Take note.

Joining The Others

2005-02-03T17:25:00.000+11:00

I've owned a mobile phone [read: cell phone yanks] in the past. It was big, ugly, I didn't know how to use it, and I may have been the slowest SMS composer in the world. I walked down Bell St. to drop a friend off at the tram stop, walked back 500 metres or so to my house only to discover the phone lying on the footpath, it having lay there for twenty-minutes when I thought it was sitting pretty in my pocket. Nobody took it. Yeah, it was really that bad.

I'd only had it for a month before it was stolen from my bag, probably by a no-good friend I'd fallen out with, who had a habit of breaking into houses and stealing cars. I didn't miss it though, just the hundred dollars it cost. It worried me that the mobile would interfere with phone lines and modems, that it read somewhere in the manual that you should hold it a certain distance from your body to avoid radiation. I think they probably cause tumors. I worry that it will be like those diet pills that caused women to give birth to deformed babies - everyone assures us 'Yeah, they're fine', questions are raised but quelled. Too me, it's a disturbingly similar situation. Not to mention the fact that people who play mobile phone games that blip bother me, that stupid ringtones piss me off, that SMS messaging seems so simple to other people, that people will play with their phones rather than sit and think or look out the window on public transport.

They just get to me, in more ways than one.

I've been mobile-free for more than a year, but now I'm considering going back. They're useful organisational tools. Secondly, if everyone who uses them gets tumors the world isn't going to be a very fun place for me anyway, is it? Plus, these new-fangled models can film, take photos... damn, you can even download a Kill Bill theme, and those polyphonic ringtones are certainly less annoying than the old-school kind. I've been enchanted by the bits and bobs, the gizmo appeal.

Today I used a Sony Ericson Z1010 video-phone and I want one. $200 pre-paid - sounds like a good deal to me. Apparently the coverage isn't that great but, pfft, like I travel? Any mobile phone nerds reading this can feel free to reccomend, or warn me away.

Just An Aside: How about those storms? I slept right through them, but awoke to find a semi-apocalyptic world of rain, miniature floods and malfunctioning traffic-lights. The damage I saw was most impressive at Princes Park, where a massive oak with a two-metre trunk had uprooted and fallen across the road. It was like something out of Twister - and more to come tonight, apparently, though not nearly as severe. According to the ever-reliable bastion of Murdoch news, Sunrise, the storms were horrendous in NSW too. Send all impressive tales of storm damage my way, because I want to be in a disaster-movie and like to pretend.

Several Things In Numbered Order

2005-01-30T13:00:00.000+11:00

[ 1 ] Robert Corr has posted an excellent overview of Pandagate, from start to sputtering finish: relive the magic with access to source material and commentary from key figures. Experience Pandagate like never before with stunning Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound at everyone's favourite semi-serious oz politics blog, Kick & Scream.

[ 2 ] Miranda Airey-Branson still has a blog and nobody cares anymore: therefore neither does she. This gives further weight to my theory that RWDBs exist only to make decent people angry, and disappear in a puff of smoke when they cease to do so.

[ 3 ] Lleyton Hewitt plays Marat Safin in the men's singles final of the Australian Open. I, like you, will be extremely satisfied when Hewitt loses. I'm also offering a valuable prize to anyone who can find a photo of Lleyton with his mouth closed: I imagine I'll be keeping my valuable prize to myself.

[ 4 ] Numbered lists of slightly interesting things are only a reasonable last-resort post when you're ill with something impressive like Pneumonia, because various important people have died of it throughout history. Like Kate Winslet in Finding Neverland. Pretty important, eh?

[ 5 ] If you play 20 Questions against the computer you'll find yourself amazed and addicted (in a wholesome way, not an LSD kind of way).

[ 6 ] It was my birthday yesterday.

Today's anecdote:

I was on a tram with Alice and vegetarians Amy and Emily. Emily had just given me a sticker from PETAKids.com with a drawing of a sad chicken on it and and the words 'Meat's no treat for those you eat.' There was a barbecue smell wafting into the tram and Alice commented that it smelt of food. I pointed to the sticker with the sad chicken on it and said 'It's coming from this: It's a scratch and sniff!'.

Only Alice and I understood how funny this was. Then Amy asked what we were laughing about, and I said that I didn't want to explain it to her, because it was tasteless to vegetarians. Then Alice said 'That's right, tasteless to vegetarians!". Because they don't eat chicken! Once again only Alice and I found this funny. I'm asking you, anonymous reader, to either confirm or deny whether our witty dialogue was as great as we thought it was at the time.

A Fun Thing For A Rainy Day: Your vegetarian friend must choose between eating veal, or another calf being slaughtered. You could hope for something like 'I would give the veal a proper burial and then rescue the calf' but I only got this once, most say they would eat the veal. You wouldn't want to try it on someone who's just an acquaintance because you may lose a few friendship points. Totally worth it though. Totally.

New Design

2005-01-27T21:43:00.000+11:00

You may have noticed. Though I liked some aspects of the old design, I was looking for something lighter, sleeker, and more suited to presenting information. The images were once plain forties clip-art, which I added to (some would say defaced) in Windows Paint to make them look robotic: when I get Photoshop I'll do a smoother job.

The reason for the new design is to make this blog more accessable. If you like the new design as it is and wouldn't change anything, let me know. If you like it, but think some things should be changed, let me know. If you liked the old one better, I have it saved, and can switch back at any time: so let me know. The design of A Mechanical Australian is subject to the whims of general concensus. Let yourself be heard.

A revised blogroll and links will be added very soon, and you can expect a few tweaks, fiddling with fonts and colours, etc.

In a sentence, let me know what you think: it's for your usage, after all.

Pre-VCE Psycheout

2005-01-25T21:40:00.000+11:00

Journalism [approximate ENTER score]
La Trobe - 89
RMIT City - 93
University of Melbourne - 97

Doing 6 subjects.

AAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggg!!!!! WWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! NNNOooooooooooooooooo!! AAAAAAYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Rrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! MMMMMMMmwwwaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

And that's it. Wish me luck.

*

Recently, I freaked out about Google. Now, a commenter ('dls') has caused me to freak out more. And all because of this:

EPIC.

Googlezon is coming in 2014...

Sharing The Love

2005-01-23T17:08:00.000+11:00

Everyone who uses the internet has a few funny websites they visit from time to time. For a lot of us, blogs fulfill much of this need, but there are some purely humor devoted sites that are truly great. Here are a few of my favorites - I hope you can link me to a few of yours in return.

Real Ultimate Power.net
That's right, it's the official ninja website. If you don't know why that ninja is wailing on a guitar, you clearly don't know anything about ninjas.

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Whitehouse.org

Funniest satire on the Bush administration you'll find. Rummy, Powell, Condoleeza + Laura, Jenna and 'The Other One' Bush all cop a well deserved serve. All I need to do is get myself a credit card and order a 'I Support Meaningless Jingoistic Cliches' bumper-sticker to enter a Zen-like-state of satiredom.

With headlines like: 'Transcript of President's Inaugural Address Promising Greater Freedom® for Freeified® Freefolk® to Freely® Enjoy Freetastic® Freegasms® of Freedomosity®', you can't go wrong.

GeorgeWBush.org

Satirical website dedicated solely to Dubya. Created by the Whitehouse.org crew but not updated as frequently. Still very clever, and very funny.

What's Playing On The President's iPod?

We Are the Champions – Queen [listen]
I Drink Alone – George Thorogood [listen]
Killing an Arab – The Cure [listen]
White Christmas – Bing Crosby [listen]
Working 9 to 5 – Dolly Parton [listen]
Rapture – Blondie [listen]
Dallas Theme – Television's Greatest Hits [listen]
Jesus Hold My Hand – John Ashcroft
...

Landover Baptist Church
You should know I hate crazy right-wingers, especially the religious kind. This website is a vicious satire on one of my least favorite kinds of people. If fundies also make your skin crawl, you will love the Landover Baptist Church.

Sample Headline:
Tsunami: Oriental for God's Wrath
God Fails to Break His Own Record for Killing True Christians know from the Great Flood that one of God's favorite ways to indiscriminately kill enormous swaths of children is by drowning them...

We Are Robots
Quick to load Flash cartoons about a collection of robotic characters with issues. A favorite of mine, and the inspiration for the theme of 'A Mechanical Australian'. Watch the 'Tendertron' cartoon for the specific reference, though Angrybot, Robokopf and Sad Robot are all essential viewing.

OK, now you owe me some!

Has Anyone Seen A Stolen Meme?

2005-01-23T08:49:00.000+11:00

This meme is totally stolen from Mark, who totally stole it from Robert Corr. Totally. It's music related, how could I resist?

1. What’s the total size of music files on your computer?

I don't keep music files on this HD. I have 20.39 Gigs on my iPod though.

2. What is the last CD you bought?

The Ocean's 12 Soundtrack, as a present to myself for saving $500.

3. What is the last song you listened to before you read this post?

7/29/04 The Day Of -- David Holmes

This song woke me up this morning. It's from the aforementioned Ocean's 12 Soundtrack, and a perfect way to start the day.

4. Name four songs that you listen to a lot or that mean a lot to you.

Amsterdam - Coldplay

I listen to this song a lot mainly when I'm feeling reflective. It's a really beautiful piece of music and can convey both sad and optimistic meanings.

The Harder They Come featuring Nelly Furtado & Tricky - Paul Oakenfold

This song approaches the issue of love with a sense of despair and melancholy. Vocals are simple and heart-felt. This song means a lot to me when my mood mirrors that of the song.

The Best Things In Life - Filter

I like sad music. I like it because there's a lot of happy music, syrupy music, angry/defiant music, but not enough sad music in the world. I also have this thing for minor chords. Anyway, this is a song about hopelessness. Richard Patrick's school-yard/nursery rhyme vocals, morphing into an angry scream, are truly effective, and the submerged bass effect at the end is an aural experience in itself.

Sunday Afternoon - G&M Project

This is trance. I can hear the wails of protest already, but I assure you it's tasteful. It's almost like a symphony, and very uplifting. See, I'm not all doom and gloom, after all. It's strange that my music tastes are a lot more depressed than I am...

5. Which three people are you passing the baton on to and why?

You, you and you.

The Art of Ignore

2005-01-21T23:16:00.000+11:00

Let's pretend you, blog reader, are both wise and wordly. I need some advice.

I've fallen out big time with a friend and don't want anything to do with him, but I'm soon going to be put in a position where I have to see him and be around him every day. I'm going to be ignoring him, and he's going to be ignoring me. I want advice on how to do it less stressfully and awkwardly, how to do it better, and how to keep it up for a long period of time. Maybe someone believes cold pleasantries may be a better option? How would you handle yourself in my position, if you believed this person didn't deserve to be acknowledged at all?

Basically, how do you handle a mutual, permanent, blank, with poise and grace?...

How do you win a two-way battle of ignore?

Beazleybub

2005-01-18T20:14:00.000+11:00

I was there as the news on Latho broke. OK, I was watching Oprah when a little update slid its way across the bottom of the screen, but I'm couch-ridden with the flu, so Oprah has to be the place I get my news. Mark Latham quits politics. A little while later, part of his speech was televised. Latham cited his health and an invasive media presence as the cause of his decision. Any of us who were hoping for a more progressive Labor leadership were quickly put out of our misery by the announcement that Kim Beazley has his eye on the top job with support from state ALP figures. At least it's refreshing to see the words 'support' and 'ALP' in the same sentence.

I think this is an appropriate moment to plug the Australian Greens.

Now that I've coughed and spluttered all over the keyboard and screen whilst typing with sluggish, erratic fingers, I'm going to return to my couch cucoon with tea and ~~watch some tennis~~ ponder the future of Australian politics.

Update: Ms. Fits has posted a heart-warming tribute to Latham. It's kinda like a blog version of 'Tsunami: A Time to Remember, A Time to Hope', but replace the word 'Tsunami' with 'Latho'. Someone might be spending a little too much time at Channel 9...

Yes, I remember my basic Pandagate knowledge. But I don't have a Pandagate T-shirt, so there's hope left for me.

Google the Word 'Conspiracy'

2005-01-15T17:16:00.000+11:00

Some of you will have already heard about gmail.com, others will not have. It's Google's upcoming e-mail service, still in beta stage at the moment, which markets itself on the premise that you will 'never, ever, have to delete an e-mail'. With 2gb of storage space, I can see why.

Still, I can't help but be skeptical. Not of the g-mail service itself, but of Google's intentions. With a monopoly on internet searches, blogs, and soon e-mail, this immense centralization of service allows the Google company to virtually control all of the internet's primary functions. Along with the upcoming g-mail service, Google has also announced plans to make the texts of several of the world's greatest libraries free to view on the internet. If we are entering a time where a majority of the information we gather from the internet is coming through Google services first, the company is able to wield great power over what we can and can't access, and what we can and can't access for free.

So far, Google doesn't seem to have cashed in on our priveleges or curbed our rights, but this could also be consistant with an eventual move to do so. The company has painted itself as being 'for the people', making information and communication services available to anyone and everyone, free of charge. It offers free services that are superior to the paid equivalents of other companies, and naturally, these services are used by millions.

Then, with a change of ownership, a change of heart, or a well implemented marketing move - the result of years of positive brand building - we see every service that was previously free transformed into a paid one. With the benefits of a potential customer having years to trial such reliable services as the Google search-engine, g-mail and Blogger for free, coupled with an extremely positive brand image, it's no question that many users will shell out real dinero for services that were previously free. Are all these no-cost, no-ads Google services merely an investment in future profits? With the recent addition of Google shares to the stock-market, one can't help but feel the company is readying itself for something big.

More worrying is the thought that Google might begin to censor or withhold information from its millions of users. If you can imagine a situation where the company is taken over by a staunch Republican, corporate fat-cat, or an avowed Christian, such an individual might object to some of the information their services are providing. We might see certain websites rise high on the search rankings, and others drop to page 117, while those mysteriously high-ranking websites seem to be appearing as top 10 results for completely unrelated searches, and e-mails (or 'G-mails') are censored by bots trawling for text and image titles. The ability to access information and communicate with others is subject to the whims and ideology of one, giant company.

Google. "Look mom, no ads!".

Worst and most troubling of all, Bloggers begin posting conspiracy theories about search engines. Well, one blogger in particular. But you know you can count on me for that kind of thing.

Date to Save

2005-01-15T15:16:00.000+11:00

Similar to the FTheVote movement, where hot liberals were encouraged to screw republicans out of their vote for Bush (a joke), Date To Save encourages all the 'hot women of the LORD' to date heathens and convert them to their man Jesus Christ. Check out the 'Date to Save' rundown here, from feministing. With a tag-line like: "Not only can we date cute guys, but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them [sp] from the burning fires of Hell," you can't help but admire the compassion^TM of these good Christian men and women.

A Notebook And A Holiday

2005-01-14T22:11:00.000+11:00

A proper, leather-bound notebook is something I've always wanted, but seemed to have missed. It began when my grandpa showed me his memoirs, not the content, but the thick green-bound book he'd written them in. The pages were unlined, tinted yellow, and brimming with potential. Since that moment, writing has, for me, lived in a place like that. On unassuming paper, between elegant covers, written with pen or pencil. I've written in excercise books, notepads, post-it notes and diary books and never has it felt like real writing, the kind authors and other serious people do. What I write is archaic, not quite reality, a little bit of fantasy, and it never feels at home emblazoned on a glaring computer screen, or on the too-white pages of an excercise book. I bought a notebook today, by chance, with a black vinyl cover and hundreds of quiet pages. It's not quite what I imagined, but it's proving to be enough, and even if I don't write anything of substance, it just... feels right. At least one of my resolutions is off to a good start (see below list).

Blog culture can be a little overwhelming at times. With the intention of focusing on other things I've neglected for a while, I won't be reading blogs for at least a week. If you're reading this and I normally comment on your blog, don't think it's because I hate your work - unless my comments lately have been mean, in which case I probably do hate your work, just like you're hating my work right now. I'll sleep on it, and come back with something better tomorrow.

Belated New Year's Resolutions

2005-01-12T19:21:00.000+11:00

That's right people, you'd thought you escaped them, but here I am clocking in with my resolutions nearly two weeks late. Because they are late, they aren't really valid, and this means I won't feel too bad if I don't live up to expectation, i.e. cease to do any of the following things:

01) Pass year 12.
02) Get my L-plates.
03) Get an ENTER score of at least 87.5.
04) Save up for a car.
05) Not lose any more friends.
06) Study.
07) Write fiction again.
08) Enter a writing competition.
09) Learn to read music & write more songs.
10) Be better informed.

There's not much about myself I would change, because I've worked hard to make myself intelligent enough and rational enough to roll with the punches and fix what needs to be fixed. My goals for the future are quite simple: to be a journalist, to be stable, independent and knowledgeable, and to never take my friends and family for granted. It would be very well to say in future I would like to 'be happy', but more effective to list what I need to do in order to be happy. If I can achieve those goals, which I believe are very attainable, I will be happy, unless my heirarchy of values convolutes itself into something different over the course of the year. It's possible, but my perceptions of the world are pretty constant.

I haven't gone through any major image changes, barring a transition between not wearing band apparel and wearing band apparel, and a period where my hair had pink running through it, then was dyed bright red. Since I began to care about politics in the year 2000 (keep in mind that I don't have that many years to gamble with), I have been left-wing, pro-abortion, for affirmative action, for homosexual-marriage, for the rights of gay couples to have children, anti-war and against the detention of asylum seekers. I've never even vaguely entertained the thought of spirituality, or religion; never believed that there are things that women can and can't do, and things that men can and can't do, or that any person is devalued because of their race or sexuality.

If there was an opportunity for these views to change, it has long been and gone. I'm now inclined to believe that I have a strong sense of self, and the foundations of who I can be and who I want to be are firmly established and ready to be built upon. There are bad things worked into that foundation, but they are things that I can't change, can't get rid of, merely try to control, yet these things are also a fundamental causation for many qualities I am proud of, or, adversely, many bad qualities that have come from something that was good.

One example is my rationality. At five, I started showing symptoms of an anxiety disorder that caused me to undergo severe bouts of irrationality related to specific things. At that time, I was worried about squashing teddy-bears, that one would be trapped under my mattress and die when I slept on it, or that I would roll on my teddy-bear Benjamin as I slept and kill him. Eventually I wouldn't sit down because I thought there might be teddy-bears on the chair so small that I couldn't see them. It was only after days of trying to rationalise with my five-year-old self that teddy-bears were made of stuffing and couldn't possibly be alive that this fear faded. It sounds simple enough, but when your mind has entered that high-anxiety, highly irrational state, internal rational arguments are severely blunted by fear and panic, and thoughts that you can't get rid of.

Over the years, this irrationality has manifested itself several times, usually with typical symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, mainly torturous thought-loops where you lose control of what you are thinking, or rituals you have to perform lest bad things will happen. In probably the least serious case, I would think about something bad happening to someone I loved, and to prevent it, knock on wood. My mind would keep dredging up these thoughts, despite how much I wanted to quell them, and I'd have to knock on wood again. If I thought 'It's merely superstition, it doesn't do anything to knock on wood', the anxiety laden part of my brain would counter with 'But what if it's not superstition? Surely the act of knocking on wood is easier than taking the chance that something bad might happen?'.

So many what ifs! After all those years of making the mental shadow-box with myself, I became very good at it. When not gripped by those brief periods of irrationality, most of the time I was incredibly rational, able to view situations and arguments clearly and practically, and to understand my own strengths and limitations. Now I rely so heavily on rationality that it hinders me from holding anything more than small goals, anything more than mediocre expectations, and stripped me of the ability to think in terms of anything but molecules and science. A quality moves from bad, to good, to both bad and good.

My characteristics, like those of all people, are gestalt. I can't change one thing without changing everything else. If I am happy with the whole, then I can accept my negative qualities as part of that, and do so proudly. As this person, I anticipate all the stress, challenges, shocks, rewards and achievments 2005 will bring.

Hey, I'm allowed one introspective rant per year, aren't I?

Mmmm. Maybe not.

My Mixtape Saved Your Life

2005-01-10T01:46:00.000+11:00

Spent the day in beautiful Warburton, which is a town nestled in a forested valley with a gorgeous river running alongside it. In summer, there are orange and purple wildflowers blooming on the banks, and you've never seen greener grass. There is no better picnic place in Victoria. Unfortunately Tracy Bartram lives in the area and if you step in to get a Lime Ice Cream Soda at a certain eatery she may be having coffee out the front and lower the tone of the whole area. Speaking of Z grade celebrity sightings, Emily swears she saw Judith Lucy at Piedemontes. She's blown my Tracy Bartram sighting out of the water.

You were expecting something about Mixtapes. Now you have it. If you like free stuff and don't mind a speck of rap music here and there, you can download the tracks to this Underground Hip Hop Mixtape for free, and for real (in other words, legitimately). It's not like you have anything better to do. Besides, everyone who reads this blog is, of course, musically open minded, not to mention intelligent and attractive to boot... Stinking rich, yet left-wing and suspicious of Capitalism. You also play a musical instrument and speak a second language. Anyway, enough about you.

Underground, Side 1
01 Monday Night At Fluid - King Honey & MF Doom K [3.1 mb]
02 Say Somethin' - EDO. G [3.5 mb]
03 Give It To Me - 427 [4.9 mb]
04 Good Life - Cali Agents [5.0 mb]
05 Last Man Standing - Cash Brown [4.2 mb]
06 Ultimate - Large Professor [2.7 mb]
07 Sound Quest - Divine Styler [4.7 mb]

Crazy Bike

2005-01-08T09:01:00.000+11:00

According to Emily I have a knack for thinking of 'out of the ordinary' places to go when planning to hang-out. A few weeks ago, it was the Zoo. Yesterday, it was the Melbourne Aquarium. Are you noticing a trend that carries between these destinations? I am like a mum planning holiday outings for my gaggle of young children. Still, we faced a few hurdles throughout the day, the first being that we only knew that the Aquarium was somewhere around Crown. There was a woman on the tram with her son who were leafing through an Aquarium guide, and we assumed she was on her way there. In a not un-stalkerish way, we decided to follow them when they got off, but it seemed they'd already been and finished with it because when they did get off, they got off way too early. Still, we spotted the mural that covers its walls from the tram and all was well, though I must admit that when I saw the queue to get in I was surprised, not being trained in the art of the school holiday outing to a place that attracts lots of school kids.

There were fish and that kind of thing inside. And kids. A whole lot of kids. We thought briefly about Legionarre's, but not much. The highlight of our time within those tinted glass walls was the ride on 'Ice Age', where you strap yourself into seats on a moving platform, watch a rollor-coasteresque simulation on the projector, and the platform shifts to coincide with what's being shown on the screen. The simulation was, it seemed, set in a land where people harvest blocks of ice. It was also in the future. I couldn't work out if we were supposed to be a block of ice or a truck, but either way, we could often defy gravity. But hey, it's the future. When we shot through a town of igloos, tribal music started up. We were expecting to be attacked by eskimos, but no such attack was forthcoming. When 'Ice Age' finished, we were syphoned through the merchandise store, where, like Ice Age, anything vaguely water related seemed to be acceptable.

We had coffee on an a porch overhanging the Yarra. Then we walked down South-Bank, next to the Yarra. Our activities after the Aquarium were strongly Yarra-related. When we got home and rested our tired legs in front of the TV, one of the news headlines was 'Yarra River Health Warning'. We decided we should probably watch to see whether we were at risk of contracting some life-threatening illness simply by breathing in the river's rank fumes. Luckily, this kayaker went so far as to get Yarra water up his nose before his eyes jaundiced, skin turned the color of a banana, lungs hemorrhaged, and his liver began to fail. This was caused by a bacteria carried in animal wee getting into the water system.

Government representative: "There is every indication to believe that the Yarra's water is safe."

Kayaker: "You can smell it, you can see it... the water's not clean."

I tend to go with option 2.

*

Nu-Ju is back from his sunny holiday in Vietnam.

Road-Trip

2005-01-04T14:29:00.000+11:00

Having lived in Victoria's Northern Suburbs all my life (barring a brief spell in Mooroolbark during Primary School), glimpses of Eastern Suburbs grandeur were brief, and occurred while I was mainly 'just passing through' places like Kew, Toorak, and Mt. Eliza. It always struck me how different these suburbs were to the North, that you could tell a middle-aged couple were stinking rich simply by how they wore their clothes, or moved through the streets. Yesterday, mum and I drove to Dromana, where she was born, and Sorrento, where she grew up. To be on the Napean Highway during the Holiday Season! For every mid-90's Holden, there was a sparkling 2004 Honda, Mercedes, or BMW, ferrying rich-types in leisure wear to their beachside homes or holiday houses, wind-surfers and jet-skis zipping across the bright-blue ocean, out of shape Toorak couples lounging on the sand in bikinis and Speedos, yachts and boats skimming across the still waters - it looked as if the Mornington Peninsula had, by virtue of circumstance, become a vast photo-ad for Peter Jackson's cigarrettes.

An interesting irony in Sorrento, with its streets full of middle-aged couples decked out in jewellery and bland summerwear, was the community's ability to bar a McDonald's from opening within the town, in the interest of maintaining its 'historic feel'. Despite the perceived loyalty to maintaining a historical atmosphere, some new developments were springing up by the main-road: ultra-modern houses painted purple, orange and biege, with metallic fixtures, spas and swimming pools. I guess the desire for a historical feel always yields beneath the desire to live in a designer home. It reminds me of another instance where McDonald's came up against history, but this time, it won. It won because this case occurred in Brunswick, not Sorrento, and the piece of history was a terrace house that had been around since the 1800's. Despite fierce campaigning from locals, the house was bulldozed, and replaced with another oh-so-familar temple to the Golden-Arches.

As for finding my mum's childhood home, we could only find its general location: she only lived there until she was three, and none of the houses rung a bell. She didn't have many stories to tell about her time there, or at least, none of them particularly happy, though she was able to recount that after the house-hold cat gave birth to a litter of kittens, walking in on her dad drowning them in the laundry sink, and getting in more trouble than she can ever remember being in. I guess, despite the 'farmyard mentality' people held in those days, my grandpa was bothered by the task. It's hard to imagine the kind face I remember, well, doing something like that.

Along with the traffic jams, road-rage and crowded beaches and towns, it wasn't such a good trip.

*

There are, I think, at least two 'Blog Awards' going on at the moment, they are: The Best of Blogs and The 2005 Bloggies. Head over to these destinations and support blogs you enjoy reading. I've voted for The Metal Communiques, as it's nominated in the 'Best Overall Blog' category at The Best of Blogs. At The 2005 Bloggies, you can vote for any blog you like in their various categories. I've nominated a few blogs for various categories, including The Paper-Trap, Reasons You Will Hate Me, The Metal Communiques, Kick & Scream, Suki Has An Opinion and The Great Shark Hunt. There are some excellent big blogs, usually political, that I enjoy, but probably don't need my support to do well, so I've voted for others that are smaller, but are also of great quality. I voted for myself in Best New Blog, in the hopes that the URL might show up somewhere and cause a few people to click it (desperate measures I imagine are common in really little, tiny, not linked to or read much blogs), and then felt kinda bad about it. Oh well.

People of the Year

2005-01-02T15:29:00.000+11:00

ABC News in the US has called bloggers the 'People of the Year' - yes, even those with cross-hair mouse pointers, written like one long SMS message; you know you've seen them, if not, just click 'Next Blog'. I guess we're kind of deserving of that title; a blog is a means to see the world from another person's point of view - thousands of blogs, thousands of points of view, from Victoria, to Iraq, Sri Lanka, blue states and red states. We can no more understand a current event or political climate than to observe it from the eyes and words of a blogger living through it. Blogs broaden our understanding, our knowledge of the world, of other cultures and other life-styles. They allow us to experience a point of view we may never have considered, never understood or never knew we held. Through a snippet of writing, a scrap of art, a verbal snapshot, we are given a gateway to the global community, a place to chat, debate, argue with people we have never seen and never will see through anything but words. We hold so much knowledge between us, and we share it profusely.

I sound optimistic, don't I? Even though Fox FM is awarding a holiday to any person who can convince their cousin that they want to be more than friends (Fox FM's Cousin' Lovin' Competition). Because the collection tin at work for 'CARE' Australia was absolutely full after being out for three or four days. When CARE were collecting money to address global starvation, the tin stood only about 1/8 full after several weeks. I don't get us, Australians; maybe I just don't get humans in general. Either way, some of us are, well, kinda OK.

It's amazing what people will do, how they will unify in solidarity and empathy with those they do not know, have never met, when given all the facts, when there is no spin, when the mainstream media reports with some degree of compassion. If only we, as a nation, or as the Western world, could all respond with that same solidarity to the thousands of dead in Iraq through war, or in poorer countries through starvation, genocide, disease. This disaster has shown that we can do it. But what does it take?

At the risk of being sentimental, I think it takes the truth. Bloggers carry it in vast amounts - and I believe that's why it's us who are the 'People of the Year'.

around the blogs

2004-12-30T11:10:00.000+11:00

Opinions half-way through the 00's.

Bush Bristles at 'Stingy'? @ http://www.dailykos.com

Pittance Hurts War On Terror @ http://www.dailykos.com [Doesn't have own page.]

Conflicting Reports Regarding the Existence of God @ Buck Fudd's Blues

Or, at least read: Bush Approval Rating at Historic Low linked from the above post.

Miranda Airey Branson hasn't had an opinion since November. Either she's holidaying in Pari, or has finally learnt that bad publicity beats no publicity.

Artist Makes A Bush of Monkeys linked from Suki Has An Opinion.

You remember this piece of art? If not, you can read about it in this post. It was banned for unfavorably depicting the president, but is now projected onto a prominent Bill Board in New York, potentially viewed by 400,000 motorists. The display was paid for by Animal magazine. This bolsters the Love aspect of my Love/Hate relationship with the US by a few points, fo sho.

I got new speakers with Christmas money. They have 5.1 surround sound, and a subwoofer that now sits between my screen and the computer tower like a little brother. Unfortunately, my good computer got stolen and as I wait for the insurance company to get me a new one, I'm using this Packard Bell from 1998. Apparently the sound card only has 2 sides (I think, in normal speak, that translates to it being crap), and I can only use two speakers and the subwoofer of the five speakers that came with the set. But who's complaining. So my computer is, not only functioning as a net portal, but as a stereo too. As you can imagine, activities since Tuesday have been largely music related, such as organising my iPod, ripping new CDs, and listening to Drum & Bass just to marvel at the bass capabilities of the 'subwoofer'. Who thought of that name? Why do I enjoy saying it and writing it so much? Nobody knows.

Favorite D&B song at the moment is 'Ra' by the Ebony Dubsters. There's a sample of an audience making some noise, then some guy exclaims 'By the power of Ra!' and it gets straight into things. That's what I love about Drum & Bass, it's not subtle at all, it's to Electronica what Metal is to Rock, its loud, smelly big brother. It certainly isn't devoid of the inane vocal samples that plague all genres of Electronic music (Trance, I'm looking at you.) One time I've got to post transcriptions of various Trance vocal samples... damn, they're just so bad.

Gwen Stefani's solo album isn't that great. Lemony Snickett's Series of Unfortunate Events is, adversely, pretty great - people die (even get eaten by leeches), a toddler is dangled above the ground in a cage, Count Olaf - the villian - parks a car over train tracks and locks the kids in when a train is due in a few minutes. It's a dark movie, understandably boring all the <- 8 year olds who thought it would be standard Disney fair, but I think, entertaining everyone else. Only disappointment was that the Cinema was really full and noisy, and that I read on the net that Joanna Lumley a.k.a. Patsy from Ab Fab was going to be in it, but this proved to be a bit of BS. As they say, be hesitant when trusting stuff you read on the net. It can lead to minor disappointments and confusion. Just like this blog.

at a whim it all falls down

2004-12-29T22:47:00.000+11:00

The media can be a callous beast sometimes. There's not a News Update on any channel not covering the Tsunami, and not covering the number of Australians dead first. There's something overtly insensitive about the phrase: "Three Australians dead and seven missing in the wake of the Asia Tragedy. The death toll is now estimated at 70,000," as if the media assumes we can't care or empathize unless we, as a country, have been directly affected, that 70,000 Asian deaths is an abstract thing that we can neither comprehend or rouse emotion for, but, at the news that three of our Aussies have died, we will then start to take genuine interest. Yes, every Australian death is a tragedy, but no more a tragedy than the deaths of anyone else. The media would have us think that the deaths of those Australians could weigh against the deaths of thousands. That we should know that "Australian tourists are now rushing to come home", etc. etc. that many hotels were affected [housing Australians]... the barrage goes on. It all makes me feel decidedly un-patriotic.

Maybe they think we're desensitized to death overseas when it's not in the US, or UK, because we so often hear of 'thousands dead' as a result of earthquakes, or war, or famine, or AIDS, that it's nothing but a number, we can't comprehend or empathize with unless we put a local face to the tragedy, unless it looks like it could be one of us. Funny thing is that, in the grand scheme of things, this tragedy is partly the fault of the West, for fucking Asia over to such an extent that such critical safety measures as early warning systems were luxuries it could not afford. There are guys around trying to blame Asia for not embracing Free Trade enough to get rich, and therefore have the ability to minimize the harm of such disasters. Well, it should be obvious, as the evidence is present all around the globe, that Free Trade is merely a tool for the West to manipulate poorer countries, not some kind of 'ticket to riches' that it's sometimes made out to be.

An interesting climate for the world to be in at the New Year.

*

Normal Mundane-ness resumes tomorrow. Stay tuned.

nothing

2004-12-28T11:33:00.000+11:00

What could I say after this? The world reels.

Christmas is forgotten.

a little bit tired but brand new

2004-12-24T13:19:00.000+11:00

Good Things About Bowling:
- Sense of being connected to something that has been enjoyed in much the same form for decades.
- Bowling shoes.
- The retro nature of it all.
- Bowling balls.
- Skittles.
- Strikes.
- Throwing heavy objects down a waxed lane with reckless abandon.
- No physical exhertion required.
- Simple rules.

Bad Things About Bowling:
- No physical exhertion = avid bowlers are a parade of freaks.
- Gutterballs.
- Bad videoclips on screens above the bowling alleys, like: Let's Get Loud - Jennifer Lopez, The Ketchup Song - ?, Macarena - Los Del Rio, Who Let The Dogs Out? - Baha Men, etc. etc.
- Bumpers.
- Heaviness of bowling balls causing arm to hurt.
- Surly attendants.

If we measure both good and bad by sheer length, good wins. So, overall, bowling was pretty all right. Was it worth 35 dollars? That is another question entirely.

*

I'm sure there's some blog jargon to describe the act of linking to another blogger's post in your own post, but I'm not going to make any embarrassing guesses. The post is Dear Androids from Sleeping, Not Thinking, an artful dissemination of, it seems, right-wing religious zealots, my arch enemies (though they don't know it yet). Read and weep. Or whatever you do when you like something. And while I'm at it, though I know you've already read and commented at 'Reasons You Will Hate Me' like you do every day, Ms. Fits' most recent post is particularly good after, well, a slump in quality that has lasted since the election - though, like Michael Jordan or Rage Against the Machine, even when she's not at her best she's still better than most everyone else.

But I'm not here to judge, I just play songs. Enjoy Christmas Eve, keep smiling (break occasionally, but never frown).

ipod ipod ipod ipod ipod ipod ipod

2004-12-22T23:17:00.000+11:00

If you're the ultra-observant kind with sharp eyes and a penchant for black and pink blogs you might have noticed that the links hedge to left has been trimmed a bit. Blogs that I don't visit enough to take up space have been weeded out. Blogs that I've just discovered that I will visit have been planted. Last seen movies and last acquired CDs have been sawn off. A jamming section has been grafted in the hopes my hedge and I will grow to become something better. This is not some kind of analogy for pubic hair. I don't know what this analogy is for, other than to be an analogy. In short, some stuff on the left has changed so check it out.

So, I've been complimented by many people on my Christmas Tips. OK... One person. And they may have been being sarcastic. Nevertheless, I have useful tips for all things - here are two of thousands.

#1

Jamming the iPod: Stop using 'the white ones'. They identify you as an iPod user. They are an advertisement for the machine. They make you look at people wearing them and acknowledge they have an iPod. While people often hide away their machines in pockets or bags where they cannot be seen, the ear-pieces are always visible - they formed the center of the television and poster advertising campaign where dancing silhouettes were used to contrast with the bright white of the ear-piece wires. Clever, yes, but no esteemed reader of mine wants any part of their body to become advertising space.

So... buy some new ear-pieces. The white ones that come with your iPod are low quality - with mediocre bass capabilites, an easy to wreck diaphragm, and weak outer casing. Their sole function is to identify you as an iPod user to those around you. Replace them with dark coloured, quality ear-pieces or headphones and jam the iPod marketing machine.

#2

Removing Post Garlic-Handling Smell from Hands/Fingers: The bane of spaghetti makers the world over, garlic-smelling hands are not cool. To rid yourself of this finger-halitosis, wet your hands or fingers with water and rub them against the inside of a steel sink. Results guaranteed to satisfy.

Tomorrow, I'm going ten-pin-bowling. May all my hits be crits.

christmas tips

2004-12-21T23:39:00.000+11:00

My sister and I got together to wrap my mum's gift. It's a book. Layer one was, of course, some red wrapping paper with a Christmas pattern. Then one of those little stickers with a drawing and 'To' and 'From' on it in the top-left corner. Then gold ribbon with curled hangy-off bits done with scissors, and then overlayed red ribbon with curled hangy-off bits done with scissors also. We could have stopped there, but then I decided that it would be cool to:

1) Stick an Origami crane on-top of it (because the book is an Asian cookbook). So we got out an Origami book and I made a duck from a square of red paper, and tried to stick it upright with sticky-tape, a difficult task, so it looked like it was swimming in the present.

2) Then we decided that one Origami duck was not enough, and my sister put together an impressive blue flying-crane. Stuck that on too, with less difficulty.

3) Carrying further the swimming in present idea, cut lilly-pads out of green paper and stick them on the top of the present.

4) Fashion lillys from white paper and stick them onto the lilly-pads.

5) Upon deciding that it would have worked better if we'd worked from a base of blue, water-colored wrapping paper rather than red, we decided to...

6) Glue ruffles of blue crepe paper around water lillys and birds, to create a 'choppy water' effect. 'Serene Japanese Pond in Storm'.

7) We uncovered an orange streamer and cut little Koi out of it. Stuck them on the blue crepe paper. The present was divided by a ribbon about 2/3 the way across. The first two-quarters became the artwork, then a divider of ribbon, and resume normal wrapping paper.

I have an excuse for this strange behaviour - I went to the Zoo today and got sunburnt on my scalp. Presumably some UV rays found their way into my brain. I also took a bite of something while simultaneously throwing something else in the bin. The bin was exceptionally reekful, and I got a bit of bin-reek-taste in my mouth along with whatever it was I was eating (probably chocolate). I'm sure bin-germs were transmitted through the air and made me want to create strange Playschool-esque artwork.

To go with my above list, here are some more things I didn't realise before today:

8) My house is packed with enough coloured paper and glue to equal one Tonia Toddman's Craft Hour.

9) Siamangs are friggin' noisy bastards.

10) The 'Trail of the Elephants' at Melbourne Zoo is great stuff.

-- Photo of Siamang in the wilds of South-East Asia.

Now, as was promised, a Christmas Tip:

Q: What do I do if the shape of my present clearly gives away what it is? Example: CD, Book, Box of Chocolates.
A: Tell the person it's not what they think it is. It will fool them for a moment and make them think it will be something different and thoughtful. If they know you well they won't be disappointed when they find out you were lying. I used this in November on a friend and it worked well. It can work for you too.
Q: What do I do if a person has asked me for something they really want for Christmas, and I've bought it, but I don't want them to know what it is immediately when they see it?
A: Use method one, except go a step further. If it's a CD, pad it out with wads of scrunched up paper to make it look like something that is kind of medium sized and shapeless, and feel like a few wads of scrunched up paper. When they open up the present, and wads of paper fall out to reveal the CD they've wanted, your time and effort will be all worth it. Not to be used on any person outside your immediate family, because they won't understand you.

Gee, I should have my own show.

was going to post yesterday but...

2004-12-19T22:16:00.000+11:00

I spilt about half-a-cup of juice into the key-board and had to let it dry overnight. Such stupidities are par for the course in the life of Le Driver.

My local library is suprisingly trendite. It is new, oval shaped, with a slanted roof and huge windows that make it look like some kind of stadium for elegant literary death-matches. Usually it's peacefuly silent, apart from ringing telephones and loud kids. Today, I had to browse for books and CDs accompanied by a contemporary Christmas soundtrack that filtered down from speakers in the roof. I can live with the classics, at least we're all desensitized to them, it's the modern ones that get to me, because the artists seem to think that a Christmas theme is an excuse for cheap lyrics, mediocre vocals and bad orchestral arrangements. But the lyrics! They are the worst:

Oh yeah...
Candles burning low,
Lot's of mistletoe.
Lot's of snow and ice,
Everywhere we go.
Choirs singing carols,
Right outside my door.

All these things and more, baby
(All these things and more)
That's what Christmas means to me, my love
(Christmas means to me, my love)
Oh yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah.

-- What Christmas Means to Me by Jessica Simpson, from the album 'Rejoyce: The Christmas Album'.

And then, to play these songs in public places... Ugh. Rather than bolstering Christmas spirit, I think a song like that would turn Santa Claus himself into a scrooge. Still, all was not lost. The CD section was especially tempting today. And no, I'm not way into Beethoven symphonies and easy listening records - my library's CD selection is what makes the place so great. I picked up eight excellent albums (much to the chagrin of the librarians, but more on that later), which were: God's Son - Nasir Jones, Pulp Fusion: Revenge of the Ghetto Grooves, Shaft Soundtrack - Issac Hayes, Nirvana: Greatest Hits, Beastie Boys Anthology - Beastie Boys, Endtroduction - DJ Shadow, 3 Feet High and Rising - De La Soul, and... ahem... Platinum 80's (come on, you know you love it.) As for books, mainly dodgy sci-fi and fantasy you don't need to know about, plus Naomi Klein's 'No-Logo', because I've seen many culturally elite people reading it, and have had it reccomended to me by the similarly culturally elite Nu-Ju.

The database system was down, and the librarians had to copy the serial number of each book by hand. Yeah, fair enough, be pissed off about it, but damn did they take it out on the book borrowers. Never have I been made to feel so guilty for indulging in my right to access a wide range of literature and arts without cost! "I don't feel like opening thousands of CD cases, my arm's caning me!" and "We're gonna have to place a limit of ten for each person, we can't put through 45 books for each person!", accompanied by a dour young girl copying out our serial numbers at a rate of two digits at a time, sighing loudly and shoving the finished books and CDs in our direction with palpable disdain. At least this time we didn't get blamed for contributing to a librarian's Repetative-Strain-Injury: "Don't put your books there, I have to reach over, I've got RSI from reaching over like that." Well, sorry for wanting to broaden my mind, lady.

I guess it all balances out. You can't have everything. Excellent selection is balanced out by appalling customer service. Great customer service balanced out by poor selection. Please let me know if there are any Victorian libraries that go against this rule... Maybe that's too much to hope for?

In rather more significant news, Darp Hau and his fight against the Patriotic Youth League have made it into the Sydney Morning Herald. Things aren't looking good for the white seperatist youth, are they?

today i bought jet merchandise

2004-12-16T14:20:00.000+11:00

Kris Kringles; let us pray to mindless consumerism and the buying of cheap, generic presents for people you don't really know. For example, one of the only things I know about my Kris Kringle (work) is that she likes Jet. So, off I go to Nodlandz to spend $13 dollars on a poster-shrine featuring a band I despise with whinsome delight. I have to publicly carry around Jet merchandise. I have to pass my hands over an oversized piece of shiny paper featuring four ugly talentless shit-tards all in the name of Xmas cheer. I don't have Xmas cheer, I have Xmas bitterness. And hatred for Jet.

But I guess it's my fault for not buying her cheap jewellery.

the assassins cloak and somers

2004-12-15T23:00:00.000+11:00

'A diary is an assassin's cloak which we wear when we stab a comrade in the back with a pen.'-- William Soutar

We stayed at a beach-house on monday night: dreary weather throughout the day. I'd imagine people go to Somers for the beach and little else - an attraction diffused by any kind of bad weather. The fire-place was unsettling at first, because the metal bird on top of the chimney needed to be oiled and sent faint, groaning echoes down into the lounge-room. We were rudely awakened at 9am on Tuesday when the lot became a construction site, and a bob-cat started up outside the window. The walls were paper-thin and we could hear the builders chatting, until they worked out someone was home and started acting more professionally, i.e. using tradie jargon and carrying around piping rather than discussing how they would treat Russel's wife if they were Russel. We called up the owners of the house to find out if they were supposed to be there, and apparently they were, but we were sure they were in contravention of some kind of 'must give notice' rule. The tractor must have scared off all the koalas because I didn't see one the whole time, just got swooped by magpies.

The house had a copy of the Assassin's Cloak, a compilation of diary entries from a variety of people spanning a few hundred years. I didn't get to read much because it seemed a bit antisocial, but the book contained hundreds of examples of good diary writing and would probably be useful to any blogger. You can read more about it here.

The newest addition to le blogroll is metal city. I guess it was this observation that won me over:

Re: Nicole Kidman
'The next time you see a CNN report with a doe-eyed child asking 'Why do the terrorists hate us?', pick up a copy of New Idea and look at that evil bitch. There's your answer, turkeys.'

In the news: Govt warns of terror attack in Indonesia. When you release a warning that suggests Australians in Indonesia leave the country in response to information you have received, it is not enough to be assured that it came from a 'reliable source'.

listening to: ching ching - timbaland, miss jade, nelly furtado

chimps swimming in a marshy landscape

2004-12-15T22:10:00.000+11:00

by Christopher Savido, recently removed from an exhibition in the US. I think I will hang it here.

Sourced from Suki has an opinion.

listening to: don't panic - coldplay

the absinthe is on me, yet no dying allowed

2004-12-10T21:47:00.000+11:00

As honored guests, I should probably give you a tour of my new home. I want to clear up one thing: just because there's a Quentin Tarantino soundtrack on the speakers doesn't mean you can start up trouble - this is a respectable home. There are Leunig cartoons on the fridge; these indicate I am sensitive and politically conscious, with a refined sense of humour. The contents of my bookshelf is wide and varied, yet most of the books in it have never been read. A few are especially well-worn, and you can thumb through them if you like... you'll find them on your left. My CD collection is in my bedroom, but because it looks like a russian crime gang have ransacked it looking for important documents and thought I may have hidden them in my underwear draws, you can keep out. You should get an idea of what I like by the empty cases spread around the stereo, but there's different crap every time you visit, and no rhyme or reason to my tastes. The DVD collection is pretty small, but to be honest, I'm not a huge film buff. Sure, I like films, but only the very best are worth more than one look. I'm quite proud of what I have, and you can borrow some if you like. They're over on the side there. You're probably kinda puzzled as to why I'd choose to paint the walls black. At the time, I thought it would contrast my white-white skin. Then, in a rush of love for the 80's, I thought pink and blue would be appropriate too. You can make your own judgements. Do you want some lime cordial? I listen to a lot of music - when I'm not listening to music, I'm singing or humming or thinking about it. I'll try not to talk about it too much, because I consider music to be my thing and once I get started it'll be hard to stop. See? I told you. Politics, pop-culture and philosophy are also pretty cool. Those titles make me sound more refined than I am. My political discussions might just involve an emotional rant outlining the flaws of abstinence education, my pop-culture coverage a vague endorsement of martial-arts movies, my philosophical theories nothing you haven't heard before, and more eloquently too. But I make good cordial, and am willing to embarrass myself for your enjoyment.

That's counts for something, doesn't it?

2004-12-09T17:22:00.000+11:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Sold

2004-12-09T10:45:00.000+11:00

Modest two-bedroom blog, perfect for robots, renovator's dream.